On every February 14, popularly known as Valentine’s Day, the society is literally painted Red with various messages, expressions, illustrations and events to highlight and celebrate Love. Despite the innovation and creativity which mark the celebration in different cultures and contexts, its content consists majorly of passing physical, social and affective pleasures. Thus, the Love being highlighted and celebrated in society today with dissipation of enormous human, material, financial and time resources has the “Shade of Pleasure” only. Hence, it is highly limited and therefore deficient.
For the celebration of Love on Valentine’s Day to impact and benefit society beyond mere ephemeral (passing) pleasure, other “shades of love” often forgotten should be highlighted and celebrated too. Some of those forgotten shades of love include the following:
Love as sacrifice: Love is not only manifests as a pleasure to be received and enjoyed; it is also a sacrifice to be made and endured. In pleasure, love receives and gains; but in sacrifice, it gives and loses. The more the sacrifice, the greater the love. Hence, “greater love than this no one has, that a man lays down his life for his friends”(John.15:13).
Love is tested in pain: Pleasure makes love cheap, easy and desirable. It is pain that tests love and reveals its depth and authenticity. Pleasure easily attracts Love but the strength or stamina of the love; that is, how far it can go or last is not known until pain replaces pleasure. Hence, “Love is not love until it begins to pain”(St. Mother Theresa of Calcutta)
Love needs faith: Pleasure is easily visible, perceived and accessed. All it needs to thrive is emotions – feelings. That is why it is the commonest enabler of love; providing the environment for love to germinate and bloom even at short interval. But, as “no condition is permanent”, pleasure often gives way to experiences and circumstances that contradict and wound Love. Then, love must keep believing its convictions to survive and endure; otherwise, it dies in the face of contradictions. Thus, Love needs faith, even as “Faith works through Love” (Gal.5:6). True Love survives trying and turbulent times because it keeps believing that in due time all shall be well.
Love as actions: Love as pleasure talks too much; spews out lots of “sweet words” in promises, affections and bloated ego to remain relevant and dominate the emotional space. But, Love as actions is beyond words. There is so much noise (words) about Love on Valentine’s Day; yet not much is seen of the Love, because of lack of action. Thus, “true love is now more of ghosts often talked about, but rarely seen” (Francis De La Rochefoucauld).
The Society feels very little or no impact of the Love being touted and celebrated on Valentine’s Day. If not; the poor, needy, prisoners, the sick, the aged, homeless and the vulnerable and others at the fringe of Society would surely feel the impact.
In this regard, the Love being celebrated on Valentine’s Day should be active and visible in the Society as works of mercy, both spiritual and corporal.
Spiritual works of mercy: Instruct the ignorant/confused, Counsel the doubtful/afraid, Admonish the sinner, Bear wrongs patiently, Comfort the afflicted and Pray for the Living and the Dead.
Corporal works of mercy: Feed the hungry, Give drink to the thirsty, Shelter the homeless, Visit the sick, Visit the prisoners and Bury the dead.
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That all the noise about Valentine’s Day has no bearing on any of the above works of mercy is enough evidence that the celebration is essentially an “exaltation and worship of pleasure”; hence, its deficiency in value.
The character of love: As pleasure, love is a mere “material entity” quantified and measured in terms of eating, drinking, dancing, sex etc. Hence, Love as pleasure is a mere thing without any identity and character. No wonder, it easily fizzles away sooner than later, while addicting the celebrants with the desire for more as if “the more the pleasure, the more the urge for more and more”.
But, Love transcends the material sphere to a “spiritual entity” with “behavioural character” which gives it identity and sets it apart from mere pleasure or other human values or qualities.
Here is the character of Love, for which it is the highest human value and quality: “Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud. Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is not happy with evil; but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and it faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal” (1Cor.13:4-8). If only this Love is highlighted and celebrated on Valentine’s Day, what a peaceful, loving and happy society we shall have.
Conclusion: Celebration of Love on Valentine’s Day should be a highlight and exaltation of our shared humanity in which the awareness of our commitment to the good, wellbeing and progress of one another should be the focus. Such focus would generate and deepen a firm resolve in us to cherish and honour the human person, preserve human life and transit it from the “prevailing culture of death to a culture of life by a civilisation of Love” (Pope St. John Paul II).
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Fr. Ubili, OP. is based in Lagos State
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