Even though communication is an essential tool in marriage, it can only be effective when a couple is able to practice the act of listening to one another. This may sound easy but often impossible to accomplish making conflict resolution difficult in many marriages. In some cultures, the husband is responsible for making the decisions while the wife is accustomed to listening and taking instructions without expressing her own opinion which can lead to cohesive control making the woman feel threatened in her own marriage. Perhaps your marriage is struggling today because your spouse lacks listening skill, and you try your best to stay calm to avoid conflict.
Break the barrier
In a healthy relationship, both parties must be willing to practice the act of listening to each other and this is often a barrier even from the courtship period. Some spouses take this for granted and make a connection to their partner’s character to justify the bad habit which can lead to emotional abuse and become detrimental to both their health and wellbeing.
Listening is a skill that can be learned from childhood through parents, carers, and guidance and when this is overlooked during the developmental stage of a child, it can manifest in adulthood. For some, growing up in a home where children were only seen and not heard can have a huge impact on their marriage in their adulthood because they want to be heard now while someone else is silent.
Patience is golden
They say that it is not easy to teach an old dog a new trick, but with patience and perseverance, you can help your spouse appreciate the act of listening by putting yourself in the position of humility, to listen to your spouse without expressing emotions even when you know that he/she is not making sense.
Most conflicts are triggered because one person is feeling undermined during a conversation and interrupting to correct the notion or in self-defence. No one is perfect and that is important to give your spouse the freedom to share their own feelings while you listen attentively.
Communication can only be understood when one is given the chance to talk while the other person listens and this can calm down emotions and avoid unpleasant situations too.
Give time and space
Time and dedication is important in practising the act of listening. You should always create the right time and mindset for communication when you are totally free to pay attention and listen, not when you are in a hurry to end the conversation. It is not impossible to practice the act of listening in your marriage if you are both willing and ready to work together as it requires determination, constant practice and encouraging each other not to give up.
It is not impossible that one person may be willing to adapt quicker than the other and you must both realise that it is not a contest for the first to get to the finishing line, you should give your spouse time to make the adjustment at his/her own pace so that the process can be welcomed and meaningful to achieve. When you both value the act of listening, you will feel more secure and open to share your worries and fears.
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