At this time, I am before the Honourable Justice Mikailu standing trial and my only offence is that I am the Registrar of the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board. Sorry, I meant I’m the immediate past Registrar of the Board. Don’t mind me, important details escape my mind these days. When you have a massive case, the kind that I have in court, then you’d understand my situation. Meanwhile, I shouldn’t be bothered by this hullabaloo over allegations made against me if only my constituency is solidly behind me.
You see, sometimes I wonder if the boys at the EFCC and the Federal Ministry of Justice have anything serious to do. Imagine, they bring me to court claiming that I diverted a mere N341 million to establish a private printing press when other looters deal in billions. This is certainly a case of witch-hunting. I won’t really blame the EFCC for this. It’s the fault of my constituency. And I mean constituencies, because I have many of them that I can call on and whose sentiments when expressed might compel the EFCC to back off my case. Members of my constituencies can be my foot soldiers, you know, if I choose to appeal to them. Considering what has transpired in previous cases of graft involving other Nigerians, they’re the best defenders I could ever have. But I don’t need to appeal to them before they do what is needful. Why? What is good for me is what is good for my constituencies; an attack on one is an attack on all. I think my constituencies miss this point in this particular case.
They ought to know it’s their duty to stand by me as one of them who’s being persecuted. Haven’t we seen it in the past? But in this case, my constituencies aren’t up to their responsibilities. Otherwise, by now, some men should have climbed their podiums to berate EFCC that persecutes one of their members. Men on podiums should have been telling members of their religion that this isn’t just about me, it’s about the religion I profess. So an assault such as the one EFCC launched against me is an assault on my religion as well. Men who climb podiums should have asked their members to fight for me by any means they have, including taking to the streets to protest as well as using the media platforms, where they earn their living, to attack the EFCC on my behalf.
Take note of the fact that I have a religion, so I’m automatically a righteous person, one who can do no wrong. I don’t even need to state all of that. I mean, isn’t it obvious? We see it around us. In Nigeria, just mouthing religion and fuming religion like the locomotive engine of a train is all that’s needed to be tagged devout, religious and dedicated to the cause of a faith. When I loot and bring the proceeds to those who sit over religion, pervert the rule of law in favour of members of my religion or I recruit only members of the religion I profess into the public agency that I head, I receive praise from the podium. Men who climb the podium say that I’m a devout religionist and my fellow religionists should support my cause. This is one reason mouthing religion is such a good business, a good strategy for public office holders like me.
Religion is actually my main means of getting what I can’t get through other means, including merit. Who needs merit? In Nigeria, religion is all the merit that I need. Being a devout member of a religion is all the righteousness I need to occupy public offices. I defend my religion with all the noise I can make; that way I get noticed and I get placed in a public office to do what I have in mind, including lining my pockets with public funds. As such, I won’t reckon with a submission one fellow made. While the fellow gives a standard definition of righteousness, he says whoever does what is godly is righteous, i.e. self-righteous. He says, irrespective of religion one professes, anyone who’s godly is righteous so self-righteousness is not the exclusive preserve of only the religionists. Of course, there are atheists, who won’t touch what doesn’t belong to them, while those who mouth religion are among the foremost looters in Nigeria. The fellow in question further submits that people should leave religion out of it and let the best man occupy public offices. I wonder who the fellow thinks he is to be making such an assertion.
What the fellow is saying belittles my devoutness and disparages my religion. He alludes that my religion is inconsequential and so what matters in the public space is the positive manner an officeholder treats what is for the public. To me, this fellow’s submission lacks substance and should be discountenanced. My religion is more important because it’s what I use, when it pays me, to secure an appointment as head of a public agency. How? I simply appeal to sentiments that it is my religion that has been sidelined, none of its members has been appointed to head the public agency I’m interested in heading. When I appeal to sentiments my religious leaders would come out emitting fire, stating how it’s unacceptable that their religion is being discriminated against in the area of appointment to certain offices.
Political leaders take note of the veiled threats of course and they oblige accordingly. When this happens, I’m able to grab one of the quotas set aside for religion. When I get into public office though, what I do is entirely a different matter. My religion is important here because after I do what I do in office and the EFCC comes after me, I can tell my fellow religionists that I’m being persecuted because of the religion I belong to. So this fellow who’s talking down on religion when it comes to appointments into public offices is talking nonsense.
It’s good that, in his submission, the fellow doesn’t mention my other constituency—ethnic group. That’s an area he shouldn’t even venture into with his untenable argument. If he did, what he would have said is obvious and I’m sure ethnic champions would have finished him up like a shark would finish a sardine with no traces left. Ethnic champions would have asked him why he should say a member of their tribe should be prosecuted over mere N341 million. Nigerians from every tribe take from the national pot, so it’s their own share of the national cakes if one from their tribe loots. Ethnic champions would have reminded the fellow who speaks against a member of their tribe of how many steal public funds and their cases aren’t concluded by the EFCC. They would have added that their own son as former Registrar of JAMB shouldn’t be persecuted in a situation where looters from other tribes walk free.
More than that, ethnic champions would have been up in their numbers to speak up in my defence, saying this national cake is for every tribe to enjoy. So why should my own case be different? Meanwhile, I hope no one out there is calling me a small thief. Considering what transpired in the past, ethnic champions should have been granting interviews to insult a government that’s prosecuting one of their sons over a paltry sum. But this is not happening at the moment. Religious leaders too who used to give me grand introductions in places of worship have yet to utter a word in my defence. This is one reason I state that it’s not the fault of the EFCC that I’m being made to stand trial. I’m just so disappointed my constituencies—religion and ethnic group—aren’t protesting as has happened in other cases. But I can see that men are already climbing podiums to appeal, as usual, to the sentiments of worshipers over what religious colourations the post-2023 presidency should have. I applaud them because only righteous people like me who can mouth heavy doses of religion know how to rule this nation well. Lest we forget.
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