I am sharing the experience of a lady that wrote to me recently to encourage that person who’s probably wondering where God is in their circumstances.
‘’My mother would look at me and say “…but people always say you would be the light of the family. When will that happen?”
“However, I must admit that it is the encouragement of loved ones that uplift the soul more. And it is also their despair that sinks the spirit the faster. I barely had a leg into secondary school when my dad died. My mum (who is the proud type) insisted on keeping her five children under her economic wings from her palm oil “buying and selling.” But it was tough and reluctantly, she let one of the daughters of my father’s sister take me to Lagos.
“My “senior cousin” (I call her “sister”) is an established brand in the fashion industry and she promptly took me under her wings and I continued with my secondary school education. Years down the life, my daily routine became from house chores to the shop. I had no qualms with that at all but what about the university education that I was promised?
“I wanted more than anything to further my education. So, when my mother heard it wasn’t happening, she asked that I return to the village, although I had already convinced myself to “learn work” and forget education. Anything to keep away from adding to my mother’s economic burden. Back home, it was school during the week and market (to sell palm oil) on weekends. It continued that way until I graduated and went for the mandatory one-year National Youth Service Corps in the North.
“My NYSC earnings brought a needed relief to the family because I would always buy tomatoes in baskets to send down and we added that to the family business. NYSC ended and I found myself in Lagos again for greener pastures. Without thinking twice, I went straight to sister’s place and that’s where it seemed my emotional HELL started from.
“I was helping out in her business and earning something on a monthly basis. Less than a year later, her husband introduced me to his cousin for marriage and as the marriage preparations began, I lost him to the cold hands of death via a road accident. Weeks later, I realised that I was already pregnant. Sister and the husband tried their best to see me through the pregnancy but at a point, it was decided that I would return home to enable my mum to help me nurse the child. I had a beautiful daughter.
“I also found a teaching job and life took on a semblance of normalcy for me. My daughter was growing fast and my earning from my job was putting food on our table. A few years later, I met a young man from my community. He showed so much understanding towards me and my mother’s advice was “if he wants to marry you, marry him fast. Suitors don’t exactly rush ladies with a child.”
“And then, came (from him) the tales about those advising him not to marry me because I already have a child. Everything got to me (coupled with my desire to escape a life of living from hand to mouth) and I married him. That marriage took away whatever shred of self-worth I had left. My husband worked daily but his earnings never came home with him. And most nights that he came home, he was less than half himself no thanks to drugs and alcohol. What happened to that understanding and calm man that I married? To make matters worse, a baby (boy) had even come into the picture and the earning from my teaching job became a life saver, on all fronts.’’
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