Insecurity is one of the biggest challenges in many marriages today with more men than women feeling more insecure than ever before due to financial incapability, lack of self-love, jealousy, past failures, or feeling worthless and undeserving of love. Living with an insecure partner can be a distressing experience that can also lead to a toxic relationship undermining your love for him.
Finding a soul mate is a great accomplishment in marriage; however, not everyone is fortunate enough to find that man or woman they are destined to spend the rest of their lives with. A spouse who is not prepared to prioritise you and your marriage above all things within reason is insecure about your future together. An insecure partner has a vague perception of marriage, and the commitment is based on their own selfish interests alone.
Possessive and control
Insecurity can be presented through jealousy which often triggers coercive control and intimidation of the other spouse. Most possessive men are known to have had a bad experience in their past relationships and end up going into new relationships with the same mindset and suspicions too. A possessive spouse can manipulate one into believing that their behaviours are borne out of their love and protection for one when it is their fear of losing one to someone else due to their own lack of self-worth.
Condescending
Your spouse may display their insecurity by becoming condescending and making themselves the focus of attention in every discussion or argument which makes them feel superior especially if they see one as a threat. A less educated or less empowered spouse can feel threatened and uncomfortable by one’s achievements and personal goals and find every given opportunity to bring one down when others are acknowledging one’s success. This is an act of insecurity and it’s their own way of covering up for their resentment and emotional baggage by trying to ascertain some power and control over one.
Pretentious
When your husband is constantly comparing your marriage to his last one, he may be trying to cover up his past mistakes to gain your sympathy if he has been unfair in his past relationships. This can be a sign of insecurity and a red flag that he may be worried about making similar mistakes again. An insecure spouse may also try to influence your mind to believe that he was the victim of a failed marriage due to his vulnerability. This can be his own way of running away from accepting his own failures especially if he never spoke about his own blunders but only his integrity.
Undeserving of love
It is important to acknowledge that your husband’s behaviors are signs of his insecurity especially when you have done all you can to support him, and he is still playing mind games with you and is not prepared to take responsibility for his own behaviors and emotions.
Perhaps your husband also feels that he does not deserve your love due to his toxic behaviour and the lack of emotional capacity to make changes. No one wants to feel like the underdog irrespective of their own flaws but living with a man you love and cannot reciprocate your love can be painful and heart-breaking too.
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