TEMITOPE ADETUNJI writes about the triumphs of some ladies who have been subjected to body shaming
A classroom teacher, 27-year-old Angela Onoja, has had to live with the reality of being body-shamed because of her leg condition which makes her limp.
Onoja told our correspondent that while she was younger, she dreaded walking alone to buy groceries or take a stroll in the neighborhood because street boys always passed snide comments at her.
She said the guys would gaze at her endlessly from a distance to get her attention, speak to her before as she got to where they were and mock her leg when she refused to talk to them.
She said, “When I was a teenager, I was often mocked because I limped with one of my legs. There was a day a guy called me to come. I didn’t know why he wanted to see me. He stood with his friends. I had to take the path where they stood to get to my destination which was a nearby street. I was a few minutes closer to them and that was when the guy beckoned on me to come. I ignored them, walked past and headed to the street leading to my house. Immediately, he looked at me disturbingly as I walked away and said, “Oh someone that limps is giving us attitude when ladies with two legs oblige us whenever we call them. I felt the right thing was for him to come closer to me and talk to me. I didn’t answer him but the statement he made really hit me badly.’’
The lady stated that body shaming was a horrible thing for anyone to undergo, adding that she felt horrible during the period of her teenage years when she was mocked because of her limping leg.
Despite the scorn, Onoja who refused to be intimidated, said she was determined not to get frustrated hence found solace in her books and eventually gained an admission to the Tai Solarin College of Education, Ijebu Ode, Ogun State.
The teacher noted that body shaming has had negative effects on her, adding that it contributed to her low level of self-esteem.
She narrated further that she had gained her confidence after she started reading, sharing her experiences with other people with similar challenges.
She said “I just had to accept my faith. I started encouraging myself. If one has been body shamed, one needs to accept oneself. One has to develop a thick skin; people will never stop body shaming others, it is a common trend”
More victims of body shaming
Body shaming is not limited to females or the sneers emanating from other people. An individual can subject himself or herself to body shaming by comparing themselves with other people’s looks.
An exploratory study on body shaming published by the International Journal of Bullying Prevention in 2021 defined body shaming as a popular term for negative social interaction. It described it as an unrepeated act in which a person expresses unsolicited, mostly negative opinions or comments about the target’s body, size and shape. It added that the act was a tool for trolling and could evolve into cyberbullying when repeated over time.
Google Trends in 2019 showed a steady increase in the frequency of the search for body shaming. Research has shown that targets of body shaming have been known to suffer anxiety, depression, emotional problems and thoughts of self-harm.
In 2013, the late Nigerian singer, Lanre Fasasi otherwise called Sound Sultan, released a song, Orobo. After the song went viral, the singer said that “full-figured women suddenly became his fans.” He decried body shaming of plus-sized women, stating that men, especially African men, loved them that way.
A petite lady in her late 20s, Oluwatoyin Oguntade, noted that some individuals enjoyed deriding diminutive ladies. She told our correspondent that people usually mocked her because of her short stature.
She stated that she battled to gain confidence for years before accepting herself the way she is. She said “Men love to date girls that are petite or short but there are downsides to it, most people love to ride roughshod over diminutive people because of their stature. At one point, I always blamed everything for my stature. Some people like to cheat short people like me. I have not been able to boost my self-confidence up till now.”
She noted that though she had not fully gained self-confidence, she nudged herself to accept that she had no choice than to appreciate her situation since she couldn’t change her height.
Oguntade added that she still didn’t like her stature though she had accepted her looks.
Two friends who are both students of The Polytechnic, Ibadan, Oyo State; Queen Olabopo and Ziona Babalola, said they were opposite in looks and continued to endure body shaming even from those who should know the consequences on the victims.
Olabopo stated that being slim and tall as a lady was challenging for her, noting that she only tried to improve on her self-esteem now that some people expressed admiration for her height.
She explained that she was the tallest while in secondary school, stating that her class and school mates often derided her because of what she described as her high height.
She said, “A lot of people stare at me because of my tallness. At one point, some of them mockingly told me to stop growing because, according to them, I was growing ‘too tall.’ That made some people nickname me. They gave me sobriquets such as “Dogo, transformer etc.
“I also got a tiny body and some people erroneously thought I was always falling sick. There was a time I started using a weight booster to gain weight. Whenever I took pictures and posted them on social media. Some of the comments were often nasty. Some of the commenters would say, “Why are you so tall? Why are you this tiny?”
She told Saturday PUNCH that she had got to a point in her life to know that there was a little she could do to change her looks.
Olabopo said, “It was a situation beyond my control so I started getting less bothered about it. There was a time I started getting depressed over it and wished I could stop growing.’’
The undergraduate also said it got to a point that her height made her to be selective of the kind of friends she kept.
She noted “It got to a point that I kept friends who are tall, not necessarily as tall as me but not short. I cannot date a short guy though in terms of relationship, no man has ever complained that I am too tall. I think such a man would have seen me before approaching me.”
According to her, her self-esteem got boosted after meeting a pint-sized lady who admired her height and wished she was tall like her.
She stated that she then started loving her figure and got compliments from people based on how her carriage.
On her part, Babalola said that she no longer bothered herself that some people described her as short and plump.
Stating that she felt bad sometimes, Babalola noted that she had accepted herself the way she was.
She said “I didn’t create myself. People, especially my classmates, make fun of me all the time for being short and plump. But I usually laugh it off. Yes, it’s offensive when people call one funny names such as shorty, smallie etc. I have learnt to laugh it off and laugh at myself and not allow people to make me depressed. Those being body shamed need to embrace and accept who they are. Honestly, being a diminutive person is actually kind of fun; I don’t let the negative vibes or comments of those who see it otherwise get to me. I feel everyone, no matter their bodies, shapes or sizes is perfect the way they are.’’
‘‘Friends mock my big tummy’’
A married woman, 31-year-old Felicia Okoduwa, told Saturday PUNCH how her friends mocked her for being plump and having a big stomach.
She stated that some of her friends made a joke of her looks which eventually spread to body size and big stomach. She noted that her tummy increased after she gave birth to her first child.
Okoduwa said, “I have been trying my best in that regard. After I put to bed, my stomach increased and it still makes me look like I am still pregnant. My husband loves me the way I am. He saw me this way and married me. Besides, God gives me so much happiness that I need a bigger body to hold all of it! Why would I lose weight to lose my happiness?
“My other friends think I am lazy. I know that people go to the gym every day to burn fat. I don’t know why they did it. But I don’t think it will work for me that way. At one point, I wanted to start starving myself so I can lose weight but that journey wasn’t easy. I couldn’t continue. There are clothes that I can’t wear because of my body size. I can’t wear tight fitting outfits. I am actually full of energy. In all honesty, I don’t let things like this bother me.”
She, however, stated that she started going to the gym recently to burn some belly fat as she saw some other women do.
She also added that it was not easy boosting her self-esteem because of belly fat, noting that her husband neither body shamed nor nagged her once for her looks.
Okoduwa added, “Most of my friends are always mocking me, telling me to try to shed some weight and reduce belly fat. I wish I could control it but I can’t. I have been going to the gym recently.”
She noted that there were times she felt bad regarding how people talked about her body structure, saying that she had accepted herself the way she was.
“Now, I don’t care about what people say. I didn’t sit down to lament. I am also working on herself,’’ the nursing mum said.
For another lady who had experienced body shaming, Precious Onuora, she wished she had a big ass and boobs.
Onuora said it was disturbing when some people body shame her for having small boobs and ‘flat’ ass.
She added that there were times she was scorned as described as a lady with “flat chest and ass.’’
She told our correspondence that she sometimes felt insecure for having small breasts and butt.
Onuora further said that her friends make her felt unattractive and inferior to women with bigger curves.
According to her, as the scorns grew and she couldn’t cope with them, she wished she had big boobs and ass.
She noted, “I am also slim and that is another aspect. I have been advised by some people to undergo boobs and butt enlargement.’’
The lady stated that she always felt bad about herself, adding that her mother told her many times not to get worked up over her looks because she would get fat when she started child bearing.
She said, “Sometimes I get angry when people advise me to enlarge my boobs and butt. Some people have described my breasts and butt as flat, I have been body shamed countless times. I am skinny and my boobs and ass are flat too. I don’t buy the idea of doing boobs and ass enlargement though I wish to have those body features. The good thing is that I am happy so I do not care what people say. Some say I am too slim, some say I got no ass and boobs.”
Experts’ views
Some experts have advised people subjected to body shaming to accept themselves for who they are.
In his comment on the issue, a medical doctor, Olusina Ajidahun, described body shaming as a spectrum in which people condemn, harass or insult based on body types.
He said that body shaming was dangerous, adding that would affect people psychologically and make some people insecure about their body structure.
The medical doctor said, “Because of their body condition, body shaming has led to depression, eating disorder, anxiety, low self-esteem, suicide and violence. It has caused some people to retaliate by killing, cyber bullying.
“People that are physically challenged, like an amputee for example; when they are body shamed, it can really get to them. Many people body shame others to either joke about it; some use it for creating content. The contents of some comedians for example promote body shaming. Some people just want to attack others and they want to look for something to condemn about their bodies. Things like this have caused many people physical harms such as suicide and others.’’
He noted that some people were in debts because they wanted to fix their butts and boobs after experiencing body shaming.
Ajidaun said, “Sometimes, some people don’t understand that body shaming can actually do lots of harm. It is necessary to seek help from physiotherapists or doctors because one’s mental health is important. Whoever is going through body shaming should speak out and speak more about it. People should also learn to accept themselves the way they are, and they should gain confidence in themselves.’’
In his view, a psychologist at the University of Uyo, Akwa Ibom State, James Effiong, stated that body shaming had made some people feel like they were not complete or did not fit into the expectations of society based on their looks.
He explained that there were cases of body shaming leading to mental issues, depression, eating disorders and anxiety likely to cause claustrophobia and anthropophobia.
He said “Sometimes people think that adding weight is as a result of being financially stable but it doesn’t happen in most cases. Sometimes, adding weight could be as a result of an eating disorder.”
He added that society for example determined what body shapes should look like, noting that the situation made people feel that there was a particular body shape to have.
He said, “The ideal body type we feel we should have is not what existed back in the days, before now not only in the African society, people prefer people who were robust but overtime because of the runway fashion shows where they wanted people who could fits into any clothes they bring, people started adopting this muscular physique. I remember that there was a time I wanted to go into sports; weightlifting specifically but my body is not the muscular type. Somebody saw me and said that the job is not for me.”
He noted that people should learn how to deal with body shaming, stating that if their mental health was affected, physical health cannot be guaranteed.
Besides, a sociologist at the Bayero University Kano, Kano State, Ismaila Muhammad, described body shaming as an act adopted by society to discourage people from participating in social behaviours.
Muhammad said, “Society needs to know that body shaming can have some devastating effects on individuals. For example, some are victims of rape and because of the stigma they are exposed to, that can lead to dangerous effect, e.g. suicide.
In a traditional society, we see people that are fat as a sign of good living except for those that are obese. Then society sees it that the body size is out of proportion. But let us understand some physical features; we only have a little level of control over that. For instance, if one is a short person, it is not your fault because that is how God has created you and there is nothing you can do about it.
As a matter of fact, we have a few exceptions of people that are short (Dwarfs). There are very few of them in society, I think society really needs to understand that there is no reason why you should make people feel guilty about how they look.
“Do not let your mental health suffer because of body shaming. When dealing with body shaming, the first step is to recognise if it’s happening to you, so it can be easier for you to overcome and also nobody should be judged or feel ashamed by the way they look. Other people will always have something to say, and you can’t please everyone. You can’t live by what society expects of you, live by your own terms, and love yourself.”
On his part, a medical practitioner, Ayoade Ayotunde, said that body shaming was an act of humiliating a person thereby making mockery of the person or passing critical comments about the person’s shape or size which majorly had a negative criticism on such a person.
He noted that the reason why people body shame others could be attributed to aspects of physical appearance which in turn passes judgment on a person’s appearance.
He stated, “One major factor that contributes to it is the influence of what social media has caused which sums up loneliness, body dissatisfaction and anxiety over various things such as clothes worn or beauty as well.’’
Ayotunde further said that there were ways to handle body shaming, adding that first people needed to recognise the importance of body positivity.
He said, “Secondly, they need to accept themselves and avoid hiding. Thirdly, taking accountability and responsibility is also important. I must say body shaming is a form of bullying which has a negative effect on one’s mental health. It is more than cruel words, it is hurtful and embarrassing and can trigger depression anxiety and all sorts.’’
He advised people who had been body shamed or those going through the act to be guided accordingly on what they feed their minds on social media and what they watch on TV and on the Internet.
