A man’s message (to me) read, “About six years ago, after I told my wife that I was OK with the four daughters that God has given us, this woman deliberately allowed herself to take in and eventually had a baby boy that died within his first birthday due to health complications.
“Shortly after that boy’s death, my wife began to make life stressful for me that she wanted to try for another baby. Claiming that God has told her He would give her back her dead son.
“There was nobody that she could listen to that I didn’t consult to talk sense into this woman, including our priests, but she was stubborn.
“At a point, I became so scared of touching her. But trust women!
“When she knew I had already relaxed my guard, this woman took in again.
“I was so angry that I didn’t look at her any time she wanted pampering during pregnancy.
“I was determined to teach her that she had no right to give me this type of stress that I didn’t ask for.
“Eventually, she had the baby. And it’s a girl. And the doctor warned her seriously against falling pregnant again.’’
From Oby…
I have preached this a lot, privately. And I am doing so publicly!
Someone I know nearly lost his wife through a high-risk pregnancy and the pregnancy had to be evacuated.
A similar fate would have befallen another woman had the husband not put his feet down to say “no more babies”.
These two women have something in common!
They lost a child (one was stillborn) not long ago and seemed bent on trying for another baby to replace their deceased child.
Another thing they have in common is this: they have other children.
Dear bereaved sister,
The pain from the loss of a child can only be understood by someone who has walked in your shoes.
So, I do not claim to know exactly how you feel.
However, there’s an aspect of loss (especially the kind involving bereavement) that we aren’t listening to.
When you lose a child (especially when you have other children) and become hell-bent on replacing that child, you are not listening to the message life could be seeking to pass through your circumstances.
A more wholesome approach is to look at the circumstances surrounding the demise of your child. And then, decide how to make their death not in vain to humanity.
For example, if it’s a particular health challenge that claimed their life, you can set up a foundation in their memory to offer support (creating awareness, counseling, material relief, moral support system) to parents of children going through similar health challenges.
Don’t carry on as if the only thing that can bring consolation to you is the birth of another child.
The highest good that can come out of our loss/tears is that which helps others become better.
It’s Ok if another baby happens when it happens but don’t keep forcing it.
Doing so is an obsession.
What does obsession do to us?
It locks us in pursuit of that one thing that isn’t in our control to the total negligence of the 99 others that we are also blessed with.
That’s not the attitude that life appreciates from us!
When life hits you where it hurts most and you get on your feet again, please make sure you are looking around you to see whom you can pull up too.
Whatever your lot be in life, let your response be far from squaring up for a showdown with life.
Instead, let it be that of a quiet acceptance, even if you don’t feel like “giving thanks” yet.
There’s such a thing as the message or purpose in our loss.
Always look for it.
