For how long have you been an Anglican priest?
I was born as an Anglican but I went for ordination training in 1996 and graduated in 1999. So, I have been a priest since 1999.
How did you meet your wife?
We attended the same church and are from the same town. I prayed about it and God led us to each other. We were in courtship for about seven years before we finally got married in 2003. She is a teacher in Okitipupa.
You said your dad wanted your wife to get pregnant before the wedding but you refused. Did he explain why he wanted it that way?
He made it a suggestion to me that I should ensure that she was pregnant before getting married.
Was your refusal based on your religious belief?
Yes. Apart from religious belief and conviction, the scripture says in Hebrews 13:4 that marriage is honourable in all and a bed undefiled. I believed that as a child of God, if I did it, I lacked the faith that my wife would be pregnant after marriage, I would have desecrated the marriage bed and, of course, it is adultery, premarital sexual intercourse. So, no matter the reason behind it, nothing can justify it before God.
How did your family and in-laws react when your wife couldn’t conceive a year or two after the wedding?
It was a natural reaction from everybody – apprehension – but we were not put under serious pressure.
Serious pressure?
I said serious pressure because there was pressure but it was not very serious. None of them gave suggestions that we should go diabolical or whatever. All they said was that we should visit prayer mountains, go for this or that. We went for a lot of prayers and deliverance. But anything diabolical? No. We went for a lot of tests. My elder brother was a gynaecologist. We went to his hospital and did the whole thing but when it became serious and people saw our conviction, they left it to God.
What forms of social pressure did your wife face? Was she called names?
Sure. She was called a lot of names. Some said she was an ogbanje, mami water, that she had given birth in the spirit world, some even said she might have lived a wayward life, but I thank God I met her as a virgin so I had no reason to doubt her integrity before marriage. So, there was a lot of name-calling but we decided not to focus on that.
There was discouragement; at times, she felt disturbed, wondering whether she would have been pregnant or have had children if she had not married me. When moments like that came, we went back to our conviction. We prayed and there were confirmations from different people that we were meant for each other. God does not make mistakes.
Did some people think the problem came from you?
Yes, but none of those who called her names called her such names directly but we heard. Of course, nobody had the effrontery to confront me. Those who were very concerned advised me to go for a test but I told them we had done all tests possible.
Did anyone advise you to marry a second wife to salvage the situation?
None that I remember. I think the foundation for these things is my spiritual conviction. I am not a clergyman by accident; I know I was called into it and, of course, I was a child of God before I became a clergyman. So, people knew my conviction because it was what I preached against (marrying a second wife). So, marrying a second wife is a no-go area.
As a priest, you counselled couples facing such a problem? What did you advise them to do, knowing that you had a similar challenge?
I advised them to wait upon the Lord because the scripture is very clear on this matter that “None shall be barren in my house”. So, if you are a child of God, you are not supposed to be barren. If there is barrenness, it is a sort of delay in childbearing. There are people in the scripture that had delays but at the end of the day, they had children and those children were special children. So, I pointed out these things to them and used myself as an example. I told them, “Look at me. I’ve been married for years with no child but we keep serving the Lord because the scripture says, “You shall serve the Lord your God (Exodus 23:25-26); so, keep on serving the Lord.” In the process of serving the Lord, the issue of barrenness will surely be addressed. Zachariah (in the Bible) served the Lord yet was barren and at the right time, God came and changed the story.
Despite what you said to other couples, In your quiet time, how worried were you and what thoughts came to your mind?
Thank God you mentioned quiet time and that is why God is faithful; He speaks and in most cases, those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. God has always said that the vision is for an appointed time. I knew for sure that we would have children but when they would come was what I did not know. Like Abraham, I said, “Lord, I am growing older, I will retire at 70. Won’t I have a child?” In fact, there was a time I was looking at the direction of adoption. So, I asked God when he was going to do it but always consoled myself that God makes all things beautiful in his own time.
What also went through your mind each time you dedicated someone else’s baby at the altar?
I said, “God, I am dedicating a child. Please, remember me. Let me dedicate mine,” and because I was not the only one in the gathering, I told those present to pray for those having delays in their marriages. While praying for others, I prayed for myself.
Many couples struggling to have children opt for in vitro fertilisation as a way out. Did you and your wife try that option?
Yes.
How many times did you try?
When we tried the first time, we didn’t press further. The second time, it failed. That is why I tell people that although IVF is good, those going into it should rely on God because they (doctors) will tell you it is 50-50 and, of course, you will sign an undertaking that if it fails, you cannot sue anybody, so that is why it is called it an assisted reproductive technology. It is not sinful or satanic.
Were there times you or your wife were advised to go traditional by visiting native doctors or using herbs?
My wife was once told by one of her bosses to take concoction but she refused because she trusts in God.
When did you realise that she was pregnant? Was it through a pregnancy test?
In July last year (2022) we went for a pregnancy test and that seemed to be the longest hour of my life because the technologist did not come out of the lab on time. When he finally came out with the test result, we were eager to look at it because we had done several tests like that that were negative. When we got to the car, we checked the result, and lo and behold, for the first time in 19 years, it came out positive. We were ecstatic about the good news.
I believed the result, though we were advised by the consultant to go for a confirmatory test about a week or two after; we went for a confirmatory test and it proved positive. I felt that at last, I would be a father and would have a biological child or children as I didn’t know whether it would be multiple births or a single birth. I felt happy.
Did she experience any complications or difficulties during the pregnancy, considering her age?
Yes. I am 52 and my wife is 51. She attended a women’s convention in August (2022) and she was the president of the local organising committee. She went through a lot of stress, so I went to pick her up. She returned home on a Sunday and the next day, she started bleeding. I had to rush to a private clinic where a consultant confirmed that the baby was fine but advised her to reduce her activities. So, we restricted her movements and I took up the responsibility of taking care of the house. The first trimester was very challenging.
When was the baby born?
April 5 (2023). She was born at the state specialist hospital in Okitipupa.
Can you describe how you felt when you beheld your baby for the first time?
On the first day, it felt like I went to visit a parishioner who had just given birth in a hospital, so my concentration was on the mother. She had the baby through a caesarean section. When I carried the baby, it felt like one of those babies I had carried. But when I went to the hospital on the second day and saw the baby, I realised that this thing (having my baby) was real. I looked at her and was filled with joy.
What did you name her and why?
The names are many. We named her Deborah because God told us that she shall be called Deborah and when we look at the scripture, Deborah was a prophetess, judge and a housewife, and we know what Deborah stood for in her time. She was the only female judge in Israel. She has other names like Ayomide (my joy has arrived), Toluwanimi (I belong to God), Motunrayo (I see joy again), Oluwaseyifunmi (God has done this for me), Oluwasinaayomi (God has opened doors of my joy) and other names too numerous to mention.
When you look at your baby what do you find special about her?
One thing I started noticing in the past few weeks is that whenever she is alone, she reacts, especially when she is lying down and doesn’t feel the touch of anybody around her. So, we make sure that once in a while we touch her. When she cries and there is no one to attend to her, she keeps crying. So, I feel that this baby feels loved when people are around her. We feel she is a godly child because that is one of the traits of my wife and me. For the past 20 years that we have been married, some people didn’t know that we didn’t have children because we had people, including children, around us. some thought the children were ours until they heard our testimony
Do you plan to have more children?
If it is the will of God. Left to me, I am okay.
Can you describe how you felt when you saw the reactions of your parishioners to the news of the birth of your child?
At the hospital, the nurses could not control the crowd of well-wishers and when they heard that it was our first child in 20 years, they were shocked. When we had the naming ceremony, the church was filled up. We felt happy that though we are from Osun State, we were loved by the people here (in Okitipupa). This (Okitipupa) is our second home.
Is your mother still alive?
Yes.
How did she feel when you broke the news to her?
When I told her that my wife gave birth, she burst into tears and said, “That means I will still see your child before I die”. She is 89. She was in tears. When she came to visit us and saw me, the baby and my wife, she wept. My wife’s family were happy and they thanked me for believing that she would get pregnant but I feel they should also thank her because we both experienced the delay.
What lessons do you think couples who are currently facing what you endured can learn from your experience?
They should keep waiting on God and keep trusting God. I told you that we had an IVF that failed; we felt more battered than we did before going for the procedure because I took a loan of about N2m to pay for it and when I made a repayment of that loan every month, I was happy because I was repaying a loan for something that failed. It can be traumatic. So, if they (couples) are waiting on God, let them keep waiting. If they want to go for an IVF, let them prepare their minds for it. If it fails, it is not the end of the road; let them keep trying. We have seen people that tried and succeeded when they did it for the fifth time and some don’t succeed at all. But one thing is sure; God will surely intervene.
Also, the couples should stay close to each other. In most cases, the eyes are always on the woman. What about the man? He may also have a problem. So, the couples should as much as possible shut out interference from external parties. The man must be supportive and stand by his wife. They should get closer to God, pray and trust Him. I believe that by the grace of God, they will come through. If they are waiting on God, let them wait and not get diabolical.
