If you asked most Nigerians or Africans, they would tell you that through pampering Western children are badly raised.
They believe that because most Western countries have stringent laws against all forms of corporal punishment directed at children, children raised in Western countries are not disciplined, well behaved, respectful, resourceful, etc. But is there any truth in that? Let us analyse that.
Nigerians, like most Africans, believe that the way they raise their children is excellent. Their children greet adults with all the signs of respect. If the culture demands prostrating or kneeling or curtsying, they do it. The children don’t address adults on a first-name basis. They keep quiet or still when they are told to do so. They understand body language and know when their parents pass any message with their eyes, facial expression or voice tone.
Conversely, they believe that children raised in Western countries are pampered and do as they wish. They wonder how children can turn out well if not “disciplined” once in a while with the cane, given that English poet and satirist, Samuel Butler, said: “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”
Truly, when one sees the rowdy way many Western teenagers behave, one is tempted to believe the African belief that they won’t turn out well. In buses and trains, many act like people without any control. They are loud and wild. They seem not to care about the existence of any other person. But it is dismissed as youthful exuberance.
Interestingly, something magical happens at adulthood. The same supposedly pampered Western children that become exuberant youths experience a total turnaround. They become well-mannered, civil, courteous and public-centred adults. They choose the most courteous words during conversations. They say “thank you” too many times; use absolute words and phrases of praise like “awesome, amazing, perfect;” and smile way too much at people. Even during heated conversations, they keep their cool and are careful not to raise their voice.
They give donations to people who will never know and will never return the favour. When they give, they don’t even do so because of any hope of eternal life. Many of them don’t even believe in God or belong to any religious group. They just give to make the lives of people within or outside their country better.
At public places, they are orderly while waiting to receive any service. They stand in line and are attended according to their position in the queue. Nobody shunts the line. Anybody who does so is seen as an uncouth person and whoever attends to such a person before others is reported to the relevant authorities.
They treat others with decorum and respect, no matter their professional or financial status. Cleaners, cashiers, receptionists, drivers, etc, are treated with the same decorum that doctors, engineers or professors are accorded. People are seen first as human beings that must be respected. Their humanity is not tied to their profession. Their humanity is tied to the fact that they are human beings.
In public places, the elderly and the physically challenged are treated with respect. Special front seats of the bus are reserved for them. Once they are in, the seats must be vacated. If the bus is full and an elderly person enters, someone will vacate a seat and offer it to the senior citizen. Special parking positions are reserved at parking lots for those with any form of disabilities.
In public service, they put the interest of their citizens first. Those who go into leadership serve the people and not their pockets. They think of only how to make society better and improve the living standards of their people. They obey the laws of the land. They treat their followers with respect and respond to their requests promptly.
Consequently, they produce countries that are stable, safe, progressive and rich. Ironically, these Western countries attain their height of development through the efforts of the same children that are said to have been raised without any form of discipline. The same supposedly pampered and spoilt children become responsible and reliable adults that make society better.
On the other hand, the children of Africa, parts of Asia and South America that are supposedly raised with “discipline” and the “fear of God” become adults who terrorise their countries. The politicians become looters of the treasury. They personalise governance, turning it into an affair for husband, wife and children. Public funds go into private accounts. They turn to godfathers and powerbrokers who dispense favours to those in their camp for the perpetuity of their hold on power. They and their family members buy choice property with stolen money in the same countries built by adults who were supposedly raised wrongly.
Those who become lecturers exploit their students by demanding money or sex for marks. Those who become journalists refuse to publish any story unless they are given a bribe. The civil servants refuse to move any file to another office or to sign any document unless they are given a bribe. The police refuse to do their work unless they are given a bribe. The religious leaders use fear-mongering to fleece the financially challenged citizens and live large at the expense of their congregation. Electoral officers announce concocted results. Judicial officers rule in favour of the highest bidder. If you turn left, one adult who was supposedly raised properly is demanding a bribe or sex for what should be your right under the constitution.
The result is that the same people that claim to train their children properly end up with unstable, unsafe and poor countries. In Sudan, people are fleeing because groups are fighting for power. In Nigeria, no week passes without at least one story of mass killings or kidnap. In Somalia, Haiti, Venezuela, Mexico, Afghanistan, it is one conflict or the other. The same well-raised children grow up to become adults who terrorise their countries in all spheres of life. Citizens of such countries end up fleeing their countries to the same countries where parents supposedly don’t train their children well.
The question to ask is: How has the so-called “good training” helped to make society better? The way to judge an action is to show the type of result it has produced. If the so-called good training parents in Nigeria, Africa, South America and most parts of Asia have not helped to produce responsible adults, of what use is it?
There is no proof that corporal punishment produces better adults. At best, what it does is to produce adults who are held down by fear and veneration of political, religious and financial leaders that they rarely are able to oppose or question them. They end up seeing their oppressors who drop some crumbs for them as their heroes. These leaders use ethnicity and religion to divide them. They succumb to that and join in fighting their fellow members of the oppressed league because of the narrative that such fellow victims are the cause of their problems.
The World Health Organisation says that “corporal punishment is a violation of children’s rights to respect for physical integrity and human dignity, health, development, education and freedom from torture and other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.”
As the world marks this year’s International Day of Families on May 15, let those countries which have the false belief that only through corporal punishment can they raise children who will become responsible adults rethink that belief.
