A young man’s message to me reads:
“I don’t live in Nigeria but I visited home recently because of a lady I was planning to marry.
“We had been communicating since late last year and I had assisted with her upkeep. I deliberately kept my marriage plans under wraps because we were yet to meet each other physically. When I came into the country, she received me at the airport and spent three days in the hotel with me; I made up my mind that she’s the woman for me.
“However, something happened and it’s giving me concern.
“I invited my cousin to come and hang out with us and also meet my woman.
“He is the closest person to me in the family because we both grew up with our grandparents.
“When I introduced them, they greeted each other well but that secret nod (that I made the right choice) did not come from my cousin.
“So, after my woman excused herself to use the bathroom, I asked my cousin why I was getting a disapproving vibe from him concerning my woman.
“The first thing that my cousin said to me was that I should ask my woman if she knew him. And then, he said that if she denied knowing him, I should invite him over for her to repeat the claim in his presence.
“Then, he went ahead to tell me that my woman did her industrial attachment in the firm (they are into building) that he worked with and she (and a couple of other ladies) were in the habit of asking the top guys in the firm to link them up with wealthy clients of the firm.
“He said some of the ladies succeeded in their quest but he did not know if my woman was among them.
“He also said that the men often sat together to discuss those things and that’s how he knew what was going on. He said that the scandal reached the management and their director had to reduce the number of females they accepted for industrial attachments.
“I asked him, ‘What if you are mistaking her for someone else?’ He challenged me again to invite her and ask her if she knew him.
“It was at this point that I knew he was saying the truth.
“I told my woman that my cousin said that her face was familiar, hoping that she would use that opportunity to open up about her past, but she didn’t.
“Instead, she concurred that my cousin looked familiar and changed the subject.
“Please, how do you think I should handle this matter?
“Should I quietly end the relationship to avoid causing myself unhappiness?
From Oby…
When it comes to matters of the heart, the first rule is to not look hard at anybody’s past because you may not like what you will find.
Instead, focus on who they are today and then, make your decision.
It’s important to understand that most people did what they did in the past because they didn’t know better.
Almost every lady has had to touch the dust (on men’s issues) at one point or the other in her life.
Some did so because they sought love in wrong places.
Others did what they did because they struggled to survive economically.
Those you should indeed judge are people who are still down there, especially when there’s no justification for that.
Confront your lady with what you heard and give her the opportunity to clear the air.
Afterwards, do what your heart tells you. Because, at the end of the day, only you know the reality you can live with.
It’s just important we learn to talk about it before walking out of a relationship.
In so doing, you are giving yourself and the other party some closure!
