Thirty-four-year-old Chidinma Williams is a mother of two handsome boys.
Her first, Caleb, is seven years old, while the second boy, Jude, is four years old.
The young mother had both children outside the country: the United States of America and Canada, respectively.
Jude was diagnosed with stage-three autism at the age of two.
Mrs Williams, because of her son’s illness, became a full-time stay-at-home mother despite having a university degree and always dreaming of owning a business.
“Taking care of a child with special needs is not for the weak. It comes with a lot of sacrifices especially as a mother.
“Sometimes, I get depressed and always question where I went wrong during my pregnancy. I feel like my body failed me because I did all I was asked to do during my pregnancy for my second boy. It’s not easy having to go through this. But every day is better than the last and we keep pushing and hoping for the best,” she said.
She recalled that Jude did not start walking until he was over three years old, even though infants should ordinarily start walking anytime between the ages of eight and 18 months.
“At first, we did not think it was anything serious until 10 months when he was making no effort to crawl. I would try to put him on his legs and he would just fall. Then at 12 months, we took him to a hospital to see a paediatrician, who then told us to wait for another six months before we begin to panic,” she added.
But at 18 months, her son was still not crawling and the mother said he had to start using a baby walker to aid his movement.
However, all efforts to help the infant walk failed as he was referred to a child physiotherapist, who worked with the family for one year.
Finally, at three years old, Jude started walking unaided.
Mrs Williams, who was elated, said she sent messages to close family and friends on the development.
Jude is four years old now and still unable to speak or put words together to form a sentence.
“He just blabs, screams and cries. His speech has not yet developed. But with every milestone he hits, no matter how late, we celebrate it and let him know how much he is loved regardless of his ailment,” the young mother added.
She said Jude had started school and was advised to do so by his paediatrician to aid his social skills and development while associating with other children.
For parents who have children with special needs, Mrs William advised, “These kids require all the love they can get. Always let them know they are loved. Also, research the illness and make available all they need to have the best life possible. Regardless of their conditions, they are still gifts from God.”
Another mother, Joy Adeyemi, has a 14-year-old child, Tolu, diagnosed with Down’s syndrome.
“At first when doctors told me about Tolu’s illness, I was heartbroken. But it has been 14 years now of caring for a child with special needs, and he’s my son, my only son; I love him just the way he is.
“One thing I have learnt in my 14 years with Tolu is to shower him with all the love in me, and I praise him when he does something right. I never knew I would love that hard until Tolu came along,” Mrs Adeyemi said.
Tolu is the second child of the Adeyemis and has an elder sister, Funmi.
“Being a mother to a child with special needs has taught me so much patience because if you are not patient with them, they may hardly go far in life and may not achieve anything or hit their milestones. It isn’t his fault he came out that way, so both parents and society shouldn’t look down on children with special needs like they are less than other children.
“I tell my son every day that he is the best, whether he believes it or not, I believe it for him, and I will continue to speak positivity into his life,” the mother added.
The teenager is currently in Junior Secondary School Two.
His mother said, “I think I am also a better person than how I was before I got married. I’m more understanding, I’m calmer, I try to put myself in others’ shoes to understand what they are going through before making rash decisions. That’s how raising a child with Down’s syndrome has changed me as a mother.”
A childcare expert, Morayo Adebayo, described a special needs child as any child that required special attention and specific necessities that other children would not need.
She said, “The keyword here is special attention. A child with special needs might have a learning problem; a disability that makes it more difficult to learn than most children their age.
“Some of the kids may have a problem with schoolwork, communication, or behaviour. The simple answer to how parents can raise children with special needs in the best possible way is by paying special attention to them.”
According to Adebayo, most parents hardly know their child falls into the category of special needs except for cases of Down’s syndrome or other obvious disabilities.
For cases of autism, most parents find out when the child is about two years old, as different parents discover in different ways — by the child’s communication, behavioural or social skills.
“In cases like these, parents should step up their game and pay more attention to the child by seeking help from experts, teaching and helping the child, researching the child’s disability and the likes.
“Raising a child with special needs requires great sacrifice, but I have seen and met kids with autism that act like other regular children you will meet every day. They are expressive; they are intelligent and smart and have a great sense of humour. If you look deeper into that child’s background, you’d find out that these things didn’t happen overnight. There’s one parent who sacrificed to make it happen,” Adebayo added.
The expert said parents might not understand what was going on with their children and might leave them in front of the television or tablets to learn.
She condemned excess screen time, saying it would do more damage than good to children.
She said, “There are parents who may think their child is not communicating and lacks social skills, so they resort to leaving the child in front of the television, thinking he or she would learn to associate more from the things they watch on television or online. But these parents do not know the damage screen time does to these kids, and I’m talking about every child in general.”
A paediatrician, Dr Kasara Akowundu, said parents with special needs children should not handle the situation alone.
She said, “When the diagnosis is made and it is established that these children have special needs, we inform the parents that the situation is multi-disciplinary in nature and it is not something they can handle alone. The parents will need help and they need to seek help on time, especially for diagnoses that are correctable, like autism.
“The children need a lot of therapy and to also help them improve, parents should not lock up the children indoors because they are ashamed or afraid; they should let them mix with other normal kids regularly as this will help these children improve in their developments.”
Akowundu said it was important for such parents to be open to joining support groups that could help them to be open about their situation in a safe space, where they would not be looked down on or ridiculed.
“They will also get to meet other parents who are going through similar experiences and can learn how they handled theirs so they know they aren’t left alone.
“Support groups also help parents, especially mothers, as they can see a ray of hope from the lives of other parents who are thriving. They learn new ways to manage their children and expand their knowledge about the ailment. They may even get to meet better medical practitioners who can offer better services to their children,” she added.
The paediatrician said aside from the children, parents could also be referred to psychologists or psychiatrists for personal sessions to cope mentally with raising such children.
She added that support from family members was also important in easing the burden.
Although it might take a while, the doctor said consistency with treatment and therapy sessions was important for special needs children for improvements to surface.
Akowundu also noted that children with special needs should first be referred to a neurologist, who would assess the extent of damage using score charts.
“One key thing a neurologist will look out for is if the child can hear, because a child who cannot hear, cannot talk. So, they will ascertain whether the child has autism or a speech disorder. The child will also go for a geologic assessment and then speech therapy.
“But Down’s syndrome is more complex because it does not have any cure and it affects every of their system. Theirs is not limited to speech or behavioural. It’s virtually everything because it is a problem with a chromosome and it affects the cells in their bodies,” she added.
The National Health Service of the United Kingdom states that children and young people with special needs have some level of learning disability, which means they may need help with daily life.
The health service explains that what they need help with is different for each person and can change as they get older.
“Praise them when they learn something new; speak clearly and calmly so they can learn from you; play, sing songs and read books together to help with sounds and words; try showing them how to do something instead of just giving instructions – this can be easier to follow; try ways to help them communicate such as Singalong, Makaton or PECS
“Try to set routines so they feel more settled – for example, for getting up and at mealtimes; encourage them to be healthy and active; look out for changes in mood or behaviour – they may not be able to tell you if something’s wrong or they’re unwell; take them for regular hearing, eyesight and health checks,” the agency adds.
