If there is no reason at all to grow your communication skills, you must not forget that it is the greatest gift from God to mankind that is useful in all circumstances and with everything and everybody on earth. It means to succeed as a human being, you must communicate. So, to do this effectively to achieve desired results is the reason people want to learn more about effective communication.
The foremost thing an introvert should do is to invest time and resources to practise self-awareness. Having known your disposition as an introverted person, you need to understand who an introvert is and accept your reality. Then decide what needs to change and go for it. The more you know yourself, the better positioned you are to regulate your weaknesses.
Being an introvert is not a disability. Pause for some minutes and let that sink. In reality, it is strength. Your ability to enjoy your own company or being comfortable with being alone is a rare strength that not many people have. However, you know that there must be moderation in everything. An introvert easily becomes a one-man army. And that, in itself, is a dangerous place to be.
Introverts may suffer from social anxiety, which is (excessive) fear or discomfort in social situations. The preference for solitude and the need to recharge alone can sometimes contribute to feeling overwhelmed or anxious in social settings. In situations like this, practise small talks. While small talk may not be your favourite activity, it’s a valuable social skill. Practise simple conversation starters and keep a few generic topics in mind to ease into conversations and make others feel more comfortable with you. When you make people feel comfortable with you, they will always want to see you happy too.
Get topics like those that are of interest to your audience and you handy. Try not to initiate a conversation on a topic that is totally strange and of no interest to your audience so that it won’t lead to boredom for your audience. If this happens, it may affect your thinking which may make you fall into guilt. Always remember that you matter. You have something that others need. If you find it difficult to know or locate a topic of interest, try to start with generic questions like – what do you enjoy doing in the morning when you wake up, or in your spare time, on weekends?
Habits are hard to break. It takes more intention to improve on a habit that you desire to change. While trying to change something you don’t like about your inability to communicate with people, don’t also forget that you can’t change who you are overnight. Take it easy on yourself by playing the offence and defence. This means that, when you step outside of your comfort zone, don’t forget to retreat when you need some breath. Because of the way introverts are wired in their thinking, they may be more sensitive to external stimuli than others. They tend to get deep in overthinking and rumination, which means they can be very introspective and thoughtful. This can manifest as getting caught in negative thought patterns or replaying social interactions in their minds. They tend to see or notice things that most don’t see or notice. They easily react to things such as noise, crowds or intense social environments, even comments from other discussants. Overexposure to these stimuli can cause sensory overload, leading to mental exhaustion and perhaps, creating tensions and straining friendships. This is the reason many people think that introverts are irritable – get easily offended. There’s a need to retreat and recharge.
So, introverts must learn to practise taking short breaks from gatherings or groups to keep their minds sane, composed and recharged for the much desired lively conversation. Talk to yourself often that you are meant to make friends not increase enemies and add to existing problems. Take breaks when needed. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, offended or drained during social interactions, don’t hesitate to take short breaks. Excuse yourself politely and find a quiet spot to recharge before rejoining the group. It’s important to take things lightly and easily. It has a lot to do with your social intelligence.
It’s really a great idea to choose your social engagements wisely because you are likely to get peevish or easily overwhelmed, sometimes, by things others consider unimportant or of little weight. It, thus, makes a lot of sense to be selective about social events and activities. Opt for smaller gatherings or one-on-one interactions that allow for more meaningful conversations, rather than large, overwhelming crowds.
This tip brings the introverted to focusing on quality over quantity. As an introvert, you may prefer deep and meaningful connections with a few close friends rather than having a large social circle. For introverts, the more is not always the merrier. Invest your energy in building and maintaining strong and meaningful relationships.
Don’t feel jealous when you see others relating with people easily and they seem to be liked by everyone around. Everyone has a unique quality, value and relevance. Some people will like you just because you are quiet, calm and composed. These are qualities other people struggle to learn. Rather than feeding the competition through jealousy, seek collaboration through valuable friendships.
While trying to build your communication skills, there may be lots of misunderstandings and misperceptions. Introverts may be misunderstood or misperceived as being aloof, shy or antisocial due to their preference for solitude or their quiet demeanour. These misconceptions that they have noticed can lead them into feelings of being judged or excluded. Many introverts experience lots of instances of encroachment while trying hard to prove their sociability. They tend to experience difficulty asserting boundaries. Some introverts may struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries, especially if they feel pressured to conform to extroverted norms. This can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed or drained in social situations.
Most times, in the process of responding to this undesired outcome, they fall more into feelings of isolation or loneliness. Introverts often value deep connections over superficial interactions. This is why they always want to connect with like minds. If they struggle to find like-minded individuals or meaningful social connections, they sometimes slide into the feelings of isolation or loneliness. It is advisable for introverts to connect with fellow introverts or individuals who share similar interests. Engaging in activities or joining groups where you feel comfortable and understood can make socialising easier. When you start your journey of improving your communication skills with those you are most comfortable with, you can smoothly graduate into connecting easily with those of opposite disposition and still succeed.
I once read about Emily, a chronic introvert who hardly spoke in public or with friends. In the realm of solitude, Emily craved career growth. She understood, after many attempts at progressive professional pursuits, that she couldn’t but learn to communicate more. With courage, she embarked on a journey to hone her communication skills. Seeking guidance, she practised and stumbled but her voice grew stronger. As she embraced her true self, opportunities bloomed and she found inspiration in her transformation. Her introversion became a unique way to connect, painting emotions with words. She became a beacon for others seeking growth. In the end, Emily’s tale reminds us that embracing our true selves and letting our voices shine brings success and fulfilment.
After practising all of the above, don’t forget not to take things too personal. Take things easy with people and try to give people allowance for errors and mistakes. Communicate your needs ahead and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with those you have certified to be your friends. Be open and honest about your introversion with friends, family and colleagues. Let them know that you appreciate their company but may need occasional ‘alone’ time. Most people will understand and respect your boundaries.
Use your strengths as a weapon of broaching mass small talks. Introverts often excel at introspection, organisation, creativity and problem-solving. Leverage these strengths in social situations by sharing your insights, contributing thoughtful ideas and offering support to others who find it difficult to sit down to think and get organised.
Sanni writes via [email protected]
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