Ezekiel Onwuazombe and his wife, Irene Onwuazombe, who recently celebrated their golden jubilee as a married couple and renewed their marital vows, tell EMMANUEL OJO how they surmounted the challenges that come with marriage
How would you describe the journey of 50 years in marriage?
Husband: I am very happy because when I look back, I remember most of my peers I grew up with. We started together but (they) have all gone (passed away). Some got married but got divorced along the way and moved on. Many things happened, but for me, I am happy, thanking God for making this (anniversary) happen, and for helping me to endure because it’s only endurance that can make this happen.
I endured many things. When she offends me, sometimes, I tell her, “I will beat you and drive you back to your father’s house,” and she would respond, “Go ahead and beat me” and we would just laugh at the end of it and make a joke out of it. I am happy to have reached 50 years in marriage and there was no instance where we reported each other to a third party, no quarreling, no anger. If one offends the other, we both say sorry and move on and with that, the devil just runs away.
Wife: I feel very happy and I’m thanking God who kept me alive to see this 50th marriage anniversary. He’s been very wonderful to me.
Making marriage vows the second time after 50 years is something not very common. Can you describe the feeling when you went through that process again?
Husband: It’s sweeter this time, sweeter because the first one was done out of tradition. It had to be done, but this one, when I remember that it was God who gave me the rare privilege to be able to do it the second time with my wife, not a second wife and God kept us to see the golden jubilee, passing through many years and we were not separated, made me very happy. When we exchanged our first vow, I had not experienced marriage to know how it was; I just took the vows because I was asked to do it.
Wife: It felt different from the first one. I was happy because God kept me and my children alive to this time. None of us are in the hospital. When my husband got very sick, even to the point of death, I prayed that God would spare his life and God did.
When you were younger, did you nurse some fears that you wouldn’t see a day like this?
Wife: I didn’t have any worries at all.
At what point in your marriage would you say you had the best of experiences?
Husband: As for that, I have enjoyed all through the marriage. I am happy with the way she came to me because it was a divine arrangement.
Wife: I wouldn’t say that I had the best experience at one point or the other. It has been sweet from the beginning to the end.
How did you meet her and propose?
Husband: I did not go to her to say that I loved her. It was just like (the biblical) Jacob and his wife. God just picked her and brought her to me. When I was working at the City College, Sabo-Yaba, Lagos, when it was time to get married, I started praying for a wife. I wrote the names of four ladies from my village on four different pieces of paper, folded and threw them on the floor, intending to pick one at the end of the prayer. I did this with prayer and fasting, every week, Monday to Friday. However, I noticed that I picked the same person each time I picked and my wife was not part of those four ladies because she wasn’t in the picture at that time, though I knew her in the neighbourhood in the village. The day I wanted to do a final one (picking), I knelt to pray and I saw a vision of someone standing beside me and she (my wife) was the one. I was in Lagos at that time and she was in the village. So, when I got back to my senses, I wondered why I saw her in the vision despite not having her name on the list.
What did you do when that thought came?
Husband: I got frustrated, ended the fast and prayer, and threw the papers away. I did that three times and the third one when I was praying, the vision came again and I prayed and asked God to forgive me, that if she was the wife He had prepared for me, that I was very sorry for the way I acted. I fasted and prayed, telling God to forgive me for that and that God should make it a reality for me.
A few days later, I went to the village to visit my mum. When I was in the village, I told my sister that there was a friend of mine who was in search of someone to settle with and I thought of her friend (who is my wife) for him but my sister said no, that it had to be me. After a little argument, she got angry and went out. The next morning, I heard a knock on my door and when I checked who it was, she (my wife) was the one. So, I was surprised and asked her what she was doing at our house and she said that my sister came to her and told her that I wanted to ask her hand in marriage. So, I went to bring out my bank documents to let her know that I didn’t have much in my bank account and that I wasn’t rich. After that, we both went our separate ways.
How did you later formalise your relationship?
Husband: When I got back to Lagos, one day, I followed a security man who was also a postman to the post office, to see if I had a letter there. When we got there, I saw only one letter there. When he brought it, it had my name on it. When I got to the office and opened it. What I saw was, “Dear husband” from my wife. I was happy and I started dancing. Before I knew it, people in my school, where I taught, knew about it and people started congratulating me and told me not to miss her. My pupils asked me when I planned to have the wedding but I said that there was no money. They told me that we didn’t have to prepare rice for the wedding and that we could get bread from Onitsha and sardines to make a sandwich.
How long had you known her before then?
Her father’s house is close to ours. I used to see her in the neighbourhood and her elder brother was my teacher in secondary school those days in the village. So, I usually greeted them each time I passed.
As a young lady and spinster, did you have many male admirers before you settled for your husband?
Wife: Many men proposed to me but I rejected their offers. My elder brother fought with me over that, because I didn’t accept the proposal of most of the men who came my way. He asked me if I had no intention of getting married but I told him that I did. He then asked if I wanted to wait and get married to a man who would beat me at home and the whole family would get involved in settling the fights but I told him that I would marry someone I would be at peace with, whether he was rich or not and I would not call the family into our matter.
What qualities did you see in your husband that made you decide to go on this journey with him?
Wife: I knew that my husband was a man of God, and even though some men of some other denominations came, I decided that I didn’t want to go their way. My husband and I are from the same village. His house is very close (to mine), so, I didn’t even have an idea that he wanted to marry me. I only observed that his sister, who was my friend, kept asking me why I wanted to get married at that time and not wait, not knowing that she wanted her brother to marry me.
One day, a man came to me and both of us agreed to get married. As I was walking the man down the road, I saw my sister-in-law, who was just my friend then and she asked me where I was going. I told her I wanted to walk the man down the road and the next thing she asked was, “What for?” She said she knew that the man came to ask for my hand in marriage and I said it was true. She then probed further and asked why I was in a hurry to get married. I didn’t say anything further with the man that came to propose to me and that was how that relationship ended. Later on, she asked if I could marry one of her brothers, not my husband, but I said no. The brother of hers, whom I got married to eventually, was in Lagos at that time, during the Nigerian Civil War and he didn’t come home. I didn’t know that she was keeping me for his brother to get married to and that was the reason she didn’t want me to get married to any other person.
Were there people richer than him that proposed to you?
Wife: Yes. Some very rich men came to me but I decided that I wouldn’t get married to any of them.
Did you nurse any regret later on that you didn’t get married to any of those rich men who proposed to you?
Wife: There were times I said similar things and my husband would say that if I had married one of those rich suitors of mine, no one knew whether they wouldn’t have beaten me up and so on. He would say that he accepts the fact that he is not rich but has God in his life and as such, I just keep quiet.
How old were you when you got married?
Husband: I was about 34 years old.
Wife: I was about 27 or so when I got married. I’m in my 70s now.
Did you feel that you got married late compared to the norm at that time?
Wife: No, I didn’t feel that way because many people came to me and I didn’t accept their proposal to get married to them.
How did you feel when your first child arrived?
Husband: I felt happy that I became a father and the Bible verse that said, “Your children shall surround your table” made me happier and today I have seen my children’s children.
At what point in your marriage did you welcome your first child?
Wife: Before we got married, I told my husband that if he wanted me to come to Lagos, he should make preparations on how we would get married because I wouldn’t come and live with him without a wedding and that if I returned to the village, I wouldn’t marry him. I didn’t want to have a situation where I would get pregnant before marriage.
How many children do you have?
Wife: I have seven children – five girls and two boys.
Do you think it is ideal for young couples to have many children now?
Wife: It’s better not to have more than three children now. In our time, things were better, people could afford food and other things, but not now when raising just one child is a lot. In our time, after having two or three children, you would be encouraged to keep on having more if you are still young. However, it is not like that now.
How easy was it for you to remain with one spouse for 50 years, beating all the challenges that make divorce popular?
Husband: It’s a very easy thing. A lot of people find it difficult because of what they have allowed to guide them, hence, a lot of people lack contentment and are unsatisfied with their spouses but if they love God and have the fear of God, it won’t be. My most challenging issue was something that had to do with family affairs because my dad had two wives and the first one was diabolical. So, we had some spiritual battles in the family until God gave me victory.
How do you manage misunderstandings with your wife and how did you make resolutions?
Husband: We apologise to each other and move on. The love of God is the most important ingredient that has made my marriage work. I didn’t have money but I have the love of God and that’s the fear of God that covers poverty, sickness, and everything. When she offends me, after a while, she calls me and apologises, and when I offend her, I apologise too.
What would you describe as the most important ingredient that has made your marriage work?
Wife: What has kept me going is the fact that he (my husband) is a man of God and I love God. I wouldn’t have been able to cope with someone who does not know God. Also, when he went out, he bought things I liked for me and I loved that, so, even though he wasn’t rich, I decided that I would get married to him and I did.
What were you doing before you got married?
I worked at City College, Yaba, Lagos, as the bookshop man
Wife: I was a trader. I sold groundnuts and ‘Okpa’ at one point.
What was the Civil War experience like for you?
Husband: We experienced dangerous things. Young boys could not go out freely then, because if they got caught, they would be taken to war fronts to join the soldiers there, without giving them any form of training. They just gave them guns and ordered them to join the soldiers. That was what happened to my elder brother.
Did he survive that period?
Yes, he survived and it was because he had a little experience with the military. He trekked home from where they took them to.
