For many women and men across Nigeria, domestic abuse is a proverbial elephant in the room that they are either unwilling to openly admit or morbidly afraid to escape from.
Domestic abuse, according to the United Nations, is “a pattern of behaviour in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.”
This form of violence can happen to anyone of any gender, religion, race, age, or sexual orientation. It has been known to occur within a range of relationships, including among married couples or those dating or living together.
In 2021, a UN report revealed that 48 per cent of Nigerian women had experienced at least one form of violence since the COVID-19 pandemic. A non-governmental organisation, the Purple Lifeline Connection, also disclosed that about 25 per cent of Nigerian men suffer abuse at the hands of their partners.
A clinical psychologist, Mr Kolawole Afolabi, pointed out that “cultural and religious beliefs, as well as lack of economic sustenance, are factors that contribute to the prevalence of domestic abuse men and women suffer. These are some of the reasons people choose to remain in such abusive marriages in order to live up to an ideal that was never there.”
Below are ways by which communities can help prevent domestic abuse:
Know the signs
Explaining the different forms of domestic abuse, Afolabi states, “It could be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. It includes behaviours that intimidate, terrorise, frighten, injure, humiliate, or wound someone. But before it starts happening, there are warning signs in a relationship.
“When you have a partner, who is so possessive or jealous that he/she doesn’t want friends around you, likes shaming or embarrassing you, makes you feel guilty about the problems in the environment, pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to, threatens you with violence or intimidates you physically, you are dating a batterer.”
Lend an ear
On what could be done to prevent domestic abuse, a relationship counsellor, Mrs Cynthia Oluwasina, noted that communities need to encourage those suffering abuse to speak up and their cries for help should not be muffled.
She stated, “There is often a social stigma that prevents many couples from speaking out when they start seeing abusive tendencies in their relationships, because of the unrealistic images and wrong notions people have been taught about marriage.
“It is important that men and women are allowed to speak about what they are going through in their relationships. And when they confide in you, listen without judgment or deriding them. Your lending an ear should be focused on how you can help them.”
Be available
Afolabi advised that family and friends, who know of couples contemplating leaving potentially abusive relationships or had expressed fears of violence, needed to be available to help them.
He advised, “Check on them regularly and make sure they can call on you at any time. Help them to take notes, have recordings, and document events.
“Discuss with them techniques to contact or message you if they feel they are in danger. Discuss an escape plan and help them to leave unsafe environments.”
Make rational decisions
Afolabi also noted that many couples, who were affected by domestic violence, often made irrational decisions due to social, cultural and religious norms.
He stated, “Many couples choose to stay in abusive relationships because of the social ideas attached to staying married even in dehumanising conditions. In the case of men, they could be ashamed to admit that they are being hit or emotionally abused by women because traditionally, men are expected to be stronger and capable of taking on aggressive women.
“In the case of women, they could be taught that they should remain with their abusers and fast and pray for him to change, or they are advised to stay because of the children or because God hates divorce. These decisions could be irrational for those affected.”
Prioritise safety
Oluwasina stated, “The primary purpose of preventing domestic violence is to ensure safety and uphold human dignity. If you find that a couple’s safety and dignity are at risk, you should find a way to move them to a shelter or contact government agencies to help them find a safe space.”
Afolabi added that lack of economic empowerment was a crucial factor that needed to be tackled as many women with limited financial means were often trapped in oppressive relationships.
Contact the authorities
“If the couple is experiencing threats of violence and physical threats, especially with physical weapons, or instances of being hit, report to the police and government agencies that are in charge of domestic abuse. There are state and non-governmental agencies that legally take up such cases and ensure that culprits are prosecuted,” Afolabi added.
Educate others
“There needs to be adequate sensitisation,” says Oluwasina, “Young people should be educated about the signs of potential abusers and what to do when in abusive relationships. Community members and leaders should organise grassroots campaigns, and should take a firm stand against music, movies and speech from influential figures that promote violence, especially against women.”
