Cheating, for many, is a deal breaker. But, some partners have mastered the art so well that their partners may never find out they are cheating on them.
In romantic relationships between two exclusive partners, it is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that encompasses a range of behaviours and actions.
Whether it is emotional or physical, the underlying principle remains the same – a breach of trust and loyalty that undermines the integrity of the partnership occurs and erodes trust.
Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful can trigger a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from shock and disbelief to anger and betrayal.
The complexities of navigating this challenging situation and offering guidance on how to confront a cheating partner with compassion and resilience can be really difficult. However, cheating, according to experts, does not begin in a day.
A women’s rights advocate and relationship coach, Mercy Chepaka, said couples must understand what constitutes cheating for both parties, the various forms of cheating, and the factors that contribute to defining infidelity.
With these, according to her, couples can establish clear boundaries, foster open communication, and cultivate trust and intimacy in their relationships.
Infidelity can shatter trust and destabilise relationships, leaving individuals grappling with feelings of betrayal and heartbreak.
While confronting suspicions of cheating can be daunting, recognising the warning signs early on can empower individuals to make informed decisions about their relationships.
Shedding some more light on what constitutes cheating, Chepaka said secretive behaviour and boundary violations might be two ways to look at cheating.
She stated that secretive behaviour, such as hiding phone messages, deleting browser history, or concealing social media interactions, can be indicative of potential infidelity.
She said, “While privacy is essential in healthy relationships, excessive secrecy, and evasiveness may signal attempts to conceal inappropriate or deceitful behaviour from the partner. Transparency and open communication are vital for maintaining trust and honesty within the relationship.”
On boundary violations, she noted that it might include going on intimate dates with someone outside the partnership, maintaining close friendships with ex-partners, or engaging in activities that compromised the emotional or physical fidelity expected by both partners.
She added, “Boundary violations erode trust and mutual respect and can lead to feelings of betrayal and insecurity.”
Here are six telltale signs that your romantic partner may be cheating on you.
Behavioural changes
A relationship expert, Pastor Thelma Benstowe, said one of the most common indicators of infidelity was a noticeable shift in your partner’s behaviour.
She said, “Most partners would see these signs and assume they are regular or just as a result of mood. Most times, they are not.”
She advised partners to pay attention to subtle changes in their routine, such as sudden work commitments, unexplained absences, or frequent late nights out with friends.
Thelma added that significant alterations in behaviour patterns, such as increased secrecy or defensiveness, might signal underlying issues in the relationship that warrant further exploration.
Emotional detachment
Emotional detachment and a lack of intimacy can be glaring signs of infidelity.
If your partner seems emotionally unavailable or disengaged during interactions, it could be indicative of their emotional investment elsewhere.
Chepaka, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist, emphasised that it was important for partners to maintain an open communication system in addressing feelings of disconnect and vulnerability within the relationship.
“Initiating honest conversations about your concerns can facilitate understanding and foster deeper emotional connection,” she added.
Benstowe added that when a partner became too distant to communicate or share their concerns and fears like they used to before, it might be a telling sign that they were forming bonds elsewhere.
Suspicious communication
A senior psychologist with a mental health facility in Abuja, Mrs Amada Chimezie, stated that changes in communication patterns, such as secretive phone calls, guarded text messages, or a reluctance to share passwords, might raise suspicions of infidelity.
The relationship expert and author advised couples to pay attention to their intuition and trust their instincts in cases where they suspected their partner might be speaking to someone else.
“Most times, the man or woman who is cheating would make long calls in the toilet or their car. Take long, lonely walks at night with their phones, change their passwords or restrict access to how their partner can access their devices, and even begin to throw tantrums every time.
“When you notice the slightest suspicion, speak up. Honest and transparent communication is essential in navigating trust issues and rebuilding mutual respect in the relationship,” he added.
Unexplained expenses
Financial discrepancies and unexplained expenses can serve as red flags for potential infidelity.
Chepaka, citing a personal example from a past relationship, urged spouses to keep an eye out for unfamiliar charges on bank statements, receipts for gifts or outings they did not participate in, or discrepancies in shared financial accounts.
“How can your partner not be able to explain why a particular account number gets a N50,000 transfer every week? If it is a business partner, he should be able to state so.
“If they are into any form of financial commitment or savings, they should be able to also state so. These are telling signs to see that your partner may have other financial engagements outside the relationship or marriage,” she added.
She also stressed the importance of financial transparency and accountability in exclusive relationships fostering trust and financial stability within partnerships.
Sudden changes in appearances
A sudden emphasis on personal appearance, such as a newfound interest in fitness, grooming, or wardrobe upgrades, Benstowe noted, might indicate efforts to impress or attract someone outside the relationship.
She said, “While self-improvement is commendable, drastic changes in appearance without a clear motive or explanation may warrant further investigation.”
She further advised partners to communicate their fitness goals with their spouses and make sure they do the work together.
“When a spouse suddenly wants to change all his old boxers, gets a new set of cologne, begins to shave all the time, starts at the gym, gets a dental job done, or just puts in the extra effort to look good without the prompting of the spouse, it might be a bold sign that someone is out there,” she added.
She, however, advised that a genuine conversation about these concerns about appearance changes done with sensitivity and empathy could lead to a better understanding of what might be happening.
Gut instinct
Ultimately, trusting your intuition and gut instincts can provide valuable insights into the dynamics of your relationship.
That is why Chepaka added that if something feels off or out of place, it is essential to explore those feelings and seek clarity from your partner.
The marriage and relationship coach stated the importance of self-awareness and self-validation in navigating suspicions of infidelity.
According to her, cultivating self-trust and assertiveness could empower individuals to confront difficult conversations with confidence and clarity.
She added that while confronting suspicions of infidelity could be emotionally challenging, recognising the warning signs and seeking support from trusted sources could facilitate informed decision-making and promote personal growth.
She said, “By fostering open communication, trust, and mutual respect, individuals can navigate the complexities of relationships with integrity and resilience. Remember, acknowledging your worth and setting boundaries based on your values are essential steps in preserving your emotional well-being and creating fulfilling connections built on trust and authenticity.”
