Famous comic actor, Sir Victor Osuagwu, speaks to GODFREY GEORGE about his parenting experience
Being a famous comic actor, how do you make your family see you beyond being a funny man?
I have different parts. As a parent, my comic nature is very different from the me at home. My role as a comic character does not affect my role as a parent. This is part of the gift God gives every father. These are parts of the talents God has endowed man with. For Him to have given man that, He needs them to go ahead and do those things properly to the point of being appreciated. When you are appreciated, you get your wages and by so doing, you will be able to take care of your family. These are some of the things God has already planned for you as a man. There are people He gave the talent to be the best doctors; some are accountants and some are lawyers. This is my own portion of the gifts of God. It is not just about being a comic star; it is the ability to transform myself into whatever character I am being given to play. As a man, you must be able to take care of your family. You have to be a responsible man before you even think of getting married and having children.
Do your children watch your movies and what do they say?
It is always a lovely time with them when we have to watch my performances on TV. It is a beautiful thing sitting with my family right from when they were younger up till now that they are grown-ups. When they watch my movies, they are always excited to watch their dad’s display. They would keep quiet with keen interest and listen to all my words. They are my best critics. After the movie, they would analyse my character and tell me where I need to improve, and I listen to them. I learn from them. That is why I tell parents not to underestimate children of these days because of their exposure to the outside world. They watch foreign movies and they see how things are done, so when they talk to you, they know what they are saying. I have come to believe that they are my best critics. It is always a happy moment watching my works with them.
Most people define fatherhood as sacrifice for the greater good of the family. Do you share this view?
Of course, yes. Fatherhood is sacrifice. Every father must be ready to sacrifice and be a responsible father. As a man, you have a huge responsibility. These are the things my father used to tell me. He would say, “Young man, you know you will soon be a man and take care of your own family, so you have to listen to me and do what is right.” These things will become a part of you as you grow up, knowing that a day is coming when you will be a man and have a family of your own. For this to happen, you must be ready to sacrifice. You will get a wife and be able to take care of her. Children will begin to come; you must be able to unite and manage your family and take care of your responsibilities. That is what makes you a man. Every man has responsibility to his immediate and extended families and to society.
What are some sacrifices you have made for your own family as a father?
(Chuckles) I have had to constantly put more energy into exploring new avenues (for earning money). This is because every day, the family grows. Your kids will not always be in nursery school; they will grow up to become parents themselves. Imagine the many responsibilities you will be saddled with. You must increase the energy to work and explore new avenues to be better. I don’t think there is any other sacrifice that is bigger than that. You must not go and kill, so people can say you have sacrificed. The sacrifice we talk about is the hard work you put in so as to put food on the table. What are you ready to sacrifice for your family to be better?
Are any of your kids following in your footsteps as an actor?
My house is an entertainment place. From my wife to the last child, we are all entertainers. My agreement with each of my children is that they must study hard before they choose a career path so that they would know the rudiments of what they are getting themselves involved in. It doesn’t matter the kind of profession that they choose, I will support them. If any of them comes up and says they want to take up a career in acting, I will not stop them; I will support them. My parents never stopped me when I began; so I won’t discourage my children. The only thing I would do is to give them guidance on how the industry is and how they can navigate their ways through the hurdles in the system.
As an Igbo chief, do you speak Igbo to your children at home?
Of course, we speak Igbo at home. We speak a little English, too, where necessary. Most of us learn our own mother tongue ourselves, and you cannot force them to learn what they are not interested in. One way is to make sure you introduce your children to your hometown on time. Let them go to your hometown and mix up with the children. By so doing, they are not only learning the language, they are also learning the ways and traditions of the people. They also need to know the customs of the people. If they marry these two things – language and custom – you will have a complete citizen or what you call ‘the son of the soil’.
What discipline method do you use when your children go wrong?
I don’t have the word ‘spanking’ or ‘canning’ or ‘flogging’ in my family’s dictionary. How can a father even flog his child? Are they animals? Even if they are animals, do they deserve that? There is a way you will ‘tame’ your child and he/she would become responsible. You don’t need to use a cane. The more you cane the child, the more you make them get used to canning. When next he wants to do something, he will silently tell himself, “At the end of the day, is it beyond being caned? But when you teach your children moral standards, they will not go away from it. Even the Bible encourages us to teach our children the ways of the Lord so they would never depart from them. You have to start from the time they are born; you will begin to impart such morals into them. Whenever you are around them, you must also be careful with the words you use. If your child keeps hearing foul words, you are only registering in their subconscious that that is the norm. Even the way you behave in the family affects the character formation of your child. If you are a nagging person as a wife, one of your children must take after you. That one is normal. Training a child does not begin and end with canning. Talk to your children.
Given that you don’t cane your childrem at home, what would be your reaction if a teacher canes your child at school for wrongdoing?
I don’t like any teacher canning my child at all. I am being honest with you. I will not fight the teacher, but I don’t like the idea of canning my child in school at all. If my child barked like a dog, then you can say you are canning an animal. You don’t need to flog my child. Sometimes you don’t know the health situation of that child. It is not about flogging. Some of the teachers, when they want to flog your child, they flog them with hatred. Do you know what it entails to be a teacher? Why must you even flog a child? As a teacher, do you know everything?
There are children that can be very stubborn and difficult. How then do you expect the school to ‘handle’ them?
If a child does something that is against the school rules and regulations, report the child to the principal. There is supposed to be a board that will handle all of this. If worse comes to worst, invite the parents of the child and have a talk with them. You don’t need to start to spank the child. Some of these things are done out of malice. As an entertainer, when they see that your child is misbehaving, they will not be patient with them; they’d begin to say things like, “Is it because your father is an actor?” Do you see? There is hatred first before the flogging. Warn the child first; when it doesn’t work, get the family involved. If you cannot take it, tell them to take the child home.
At what age do you think parents should allow their growing children to learn a skill?
As a parent, you must engage your children in activities as they are growing. In their spare time or during the weekend, you can take them to learn a trade or skill. Ask them what they want to do as an extra skill to help them in life. For those with an interest in computers, there are many tech hubs everywhere. Take them there and get them registered. All my children can do one thing or another. Two of my boys know how to cut hair well. When they travelled out for school, it was very easy for them to make extra income for themselves without having to disturb me or their mother. Another one learnt how to do makeup and tie gele. He even got to the point where he learnt special-effect makeup. As parents, try and engage your children to keep them busy so they will not even have any time to think of evil.
As children grow into adolescence, they begin to have some special emotional and psychological needs. How do you get your children to open up to you so you can help them?
Make your children your friends so they can tell you their problems. If you keep barking, they will not come close to you. They will be hiding whatever pains they have and whatever you need to know about their lives. That is why we are having so many problems in the school system. Your child may have so many people bullying them in the school, and when they come, they don’t know how to approach you to tell you what is going on. When they manage to talk to you, some fathers will not believe them; they’d tell them to get out. You must learn to listen to your children and give them your own piece of advice.
In families, it is only normal that there will be some hiccups in the home between the spouses. How are you able to manage the problems you have with your wife so it doesn’t affect the relationship you have with your children?
Whatever is existing in the world today already started from creation. Quarrelling has always been there. It is always about how you handle it so it doesn’t escalate and breed a bigger issue. Do you have the ability to quell the tension and not make it a public thing? That is what makes you a man. For me, in our family, we don’t allow third parties to come into our affairs. One good thing that helps me in my home is that all of us in my family are very jovial and playful. So, even when things are going wrong, we try to maintain a happy demeanour. Once you have made a decision to take a man as your husband or woman as your wife, it is an agreement with God. That is why we should not be in haste or in a rush to choose a partner. Look at your partner very well to be sure you are compatible. There should be wisdom in everything. God did not create the marriage institution for quarrelling. It is for a double portion of blessing and enjoyment. When things are not going as planned, it is a time for us to restrategise and manage the family well.
Has there been any point where you had to hide a quarrel between you and your wife so your parents do not know that something was wrong?
I cannot even remember quarrelling with my wife. She is my friend. All the quarrel we should have had as a married couple, we had when we were courting. All those things are things of the past.
How do you create time to spend with your family considering your kind of job?
Whenever I am not working, I stay with my family 24 hours. Instead of you going about visiting people, spend that time with your family.
How did you meet your wife?
She has been my friend for a long time. The very day I met her, I told her I would love to marry her. But we had to wait for her to be ready. My wife is a very strong woman and she is also very beautiful.
How did you feel when you became a father for the first time?
I felt so lucky. It was a fulfilling moment.
What inspired the names you gave your children?
The mood I was in at that particular time gave me inspiration. I gave them a mixture of Igbo and English names.
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