A physically challenged singer, Helen Ayes, from Southern Ijaw Local Government Area of Bayelsa State, tells TEMITOPE ADETUNJI what she is doing to sustain her dream of becoming a singer, despite living with kyphosis
How old were you when you realised that you had a physical disability?
My name is Helen Ayes, and I’m also known as Helen B. I am from Azuzuama kingdom in the Southern Ijaw Local Government Area of Bayelsa State, but I was born and raised in Port Harcourt, Rivers State. I’m over 30 years old.
My parents didn’t tell me about my physical structure, I knew myself. The condition, kyphosis, started when growing up. I wasn’t born that way. I was even up to 10 years old when I had the condition, also known as hunchback, which makes me look small. At the time the situation got worse, it was my mother who made efforts. She tried her best but there was no real solution. She played the roles of mother and father, even when my father was alive.
What about your father?
He rejected me and never liked me because of my condition.
Are you his eldest child?
I’m the last of five children, though I lost my eldest brother in 2021 in a fatal crash, and I’m from a polygamous family, so I have other senior and younger siblings from different mothers but the same father.
What were the struggles you faced as a child?
I faced rejection from my father; he never liked me while growing up, and I haven’t felt a father’s love to date. It affected me and made me isolate myself from men. However, there’s nothing I can do but accept the fact that I have a bright and great future, and men are also going to be my support system, so I had to release myself and keep moving.
Has your condition hindered any of your childhood dreams or aspirations?
Yes, so many. I used to say that I would have been married if not for this physical structure of mine. My education has been affected too, even though I will still complete it as it is on my agenda. This situation has prevented me from achieving some of my dreams, but I believe so strongly that no matter how long it takes, my dreams can never be denied.
What kind of support did you get from your siblings?
My siblings are very supportive. I have three brothers and a sister from my mother. My late elder brother was like my biological father. He supported me by paying for my hospital bills whenever I got sick. After I was taken out of the village due to the strong health issues I had, my late elder brother had a great plan for my future, but God knows best why he’s no more. My other elder brother and his wife are also very supportive.
You said you kept to yourself. What form of discrimination have you faced for the way you look?
Yes, people mock me because of the way I look, but my never-give-up spirit always gives me hope.
How have you been able to cope with this challenge?
Well, I have been determed. It hasn’t been easy, but I am determined not to see myself the same way some people see me. One of the things I do is place value on myself and continue doing what I love to do.
Did you receive formal education to help acquire knowledge, or obtain a skill?
So, my education has been affected majorly due to this challenge, but it’s still in view and no matter how long it may take, I will study the course I desire. Although I haven’t attended a university, I have some other professional certifications. I studied journalism at an institution that owns a community radio station. I write and also provide content on social media. I have some certifications in climate change mitigation awareness, digital security expertise, and others. I have been participating in workshops and other capacity-building projects. I know that I will still complete my education no matter how long it takes. I intend to study for a higher national diploma at the International Institute of Journalism in Port-Harcourt, Rivers State. I would love to study Law. I am not done with school; it’s on hold for now because of the circumstances surrounding my health but I will continue and finish by God’s grace. I stopped going to school in 2016, I was at 100 level when I stopped.
Are you in a relationship?
No, I am still single and searching.
Have you ever been in a relationship?
I have never been in any relationships before because I’m afraid I won’t be treated right. I have a crush on some men, but I can’t go to them because I’m afraid. If I see a man who would love me for who I am, I’m going to give that person a chance.
What do you do now for a living?
Well, I’m a songwriter and a social media influencer, I write, and I’m ready to learn any skills to add to the ones I already have. I’m looking for capital to start up my own business. God has been faithful to me, helping me to overcome circumstances that ordinarily would have made me commit suicide. I’m proud of myself, for doing the things I do and meeting people of great value and honour. One thing about me is that I love meeting people.
Did you have supportive friends that you would say influenced you positively?
Hmm, not really, but I will say they are just a few. Many seem close but not as close as people from far away. However, I am not worried because you don’t force relationships; it’s a choice. My story is enough as an episode I have to give to the upcoming generation.
In what ways do you think your challenges have strengthened you?
They have given me determination, boldness, forgiveness, love, patience, fearless encouragement, optimism, and hope in many ways. I get more strength when I’m emotional because I think that’s where a lot of great ideas come to me. I’m not afraid to face any circumstances that arise against me because I believe in the future, and with God helping me, I know I’m a winner already.
Can you share a story of a time when you overcame a major obstacle?
I went to a male friend’s musical concert, and he felt I wasn’t good enough to be introduced to the audience. He introduced every artiste that was present, including people younger than me in age, and they also gave me that respect, but that friend of mine ignored my presence, which made others even ask some questions about my presence there. I stayed for a while with shame written all over my face before I left with tears in my eyes. That experience made me write a song, one of the most touching songs in my album. Whenever I’m emotional, to avoid going into depression, I try my best to look out for a trusted person to speak to, to receive words of encouragement, and these give me a different view.
What misconceptions do you think some Nigerians have about people with physical disabilities?
They think anyone who is physically challenged is a liability, whereas it’s not true. People think people living with disabilities are beggars for life, not trying to know the abilities of this vulnerable population. People reject the physically challenged with passion; some think they (people with disabilities) want to rub their disabilities on them. So it’s sometimes frustrating, but people like us who are striving for the future will never think of giving up no matter what.
How else has your personal experience influenced your music and the messages you want to convey?
My personal experiences that have influenced my songs are my challenges, the way I have been treated, and how lonely I have been. I’m still telling this story. I don’t have that one person I can run to for help or talk to for canceling, but God has been helping me, so since I can’t disturb anyone with my issues, I convert them to songs. I sing about my experiences. There was a time in my life when I thought of committing suicide due to the way people treated me, but instead of that, God gave me songs to overcome such influences.
Do you have role models you look up to, or who inspire you?
My role models are Sinach and Cece Winas. These people inspire me a lot because of how they pass the message to the audience through their pattern of singing; it hits me differently, so I decided to make them my role models and work in that direction. However, I have not met them physically.
What makes your songs unique?
One of the strategies I adopt in passing my message is my testimonies. I want people to hear my story and have hope. I have been in the worst situations ever. So, if I can stand before people to perform, they can as well get up and start doing what they have given up on.
How does music empower you and help you express yourself despite physical limitations?
My lyrics are my experiences; they have made me more bold and fearless. When talking about empowerment from music, the strength from it is already empowerment; it’s one message-passing tool I have. Music is my life. I mostly write songs when I’m in tears and when the world seems to be overwhelming me. Yes, things like that happen sometimes, like the whole world is overshadowing one’s existence. So for me, I write my songs in those moments. Also, when I’m happy, I write, but it’s mostly my tears that give me songs. My worship songs have had an impact so far, and the testimonies that people share give me joy. They make me feel and believe God supports me whenever I’m performing, and the inspirational songs I write are of the same value.
What are your goals and aspirations for the future, both in terms of your music and personal growth?
My aspirations in music and personal growth are many, but I will list a few. I actually want to pass a unique message of determination, and believing in God, because if God is involved in your matter, it doesn’t matter how you are today; your tomorrow will be a testimony. I want to tell the whole world my testimony in songs and that there’s still God who is alive. I want to travel around the world and share this testimony in songs. I already have one album whose promotion is on hold for now due to the absence of funds, but I believe my music will touch the world.
I need sponsorship for my career, financially, and through connections, ambassadorial deals, and contracts related to any of my skills. My music career is on hold because there’s no money to push it. For the song I mentioned earlier, I want to shoot a video for it, but there’s no funding. All I need for now is capital to pursue my career and complete my education.
My skit-making career is also on track. In content creation, what I want to give out is laughter, because I want the world to be happy no matter what, and with the understanding that Nigeria today is in a recovery mode. I have started creating content that will ease the pressure of life here and point out the values we have as a nation. To sum it up, I know I’m a very big asset.
What can other people with disabilities learn from you?
My advice for people living with disabilities is for them to keep pushing. It’s not an easy task, but keep writing your songs. Even though they don’t have any support system at that point, they should be consistent with those music projects of theirs. Sometimes, it may be frustrating, but don’t lose focus on your passion and keep trusting God.
