The joy of children moving away from home or flying the nest to discover the world around them can sometimes leave parents struggling to cope with the new normal, especially if the children or young adults have been the livewire holding the marriage together. This is a historical pattern that many failing marriages experience in our society where couples stay in marriages for the sake of their children, who are often used as shields to protect marriages in distress while the real challenges are swept under the carpet.
While some parents can reflect on their own marital journey when their children leave, others may decide to go down the separation or divorce route because the children were the fabrics that kept them together while they became strangers living under the same roof for too long. Perhaps as a couple, you find yourselves in this situation and have come to realise that life is too short to live it in bitterness and regret, why not take responsibility for your mistakes now that you only have each other and make hay while the sun still shines on your marriage?
REDEFINE YOUR GOALS
No two couples or marriages are the same. It is important to understand your purpose and re-define your goals for your marriage especially if the pressure of parenting has been contesting with the love you once valued. Everything has its own time and season; there is a time to moan and a time to grow, redefining your goals for your marriage is critical to fulfilling your happiness. Nobody can teach me who I am. You can describe parts of me, but who I am and what I need; is something I have to find out myself — Chinua Achebe.
Marriage is a journey full of life’s greatest potential. When you remember those things you once admired about each other, you will seek wisdom and understanding and take back your marriage.
CREATE OPPORTUNITY FOR OPENNESS
The impact children have on marriages cannot be overstated and the times and commitments involved in raising them from infants to adolescence can influence the love between the parents, leaving them with little or no time to care for each other. There is no perfect time to rekindle your love and marriage than now that you are the last two parties standing. Therefore, create the time for deep conversation and share all your fears and uncertainties about the present and the future. Affection is essential for marital success and fulfilment; if this has declined due to excessive attention on the children, this is a good time to open the uncomfortable conversation and work together to create an opportunity for openness and bring intimacy back into your marriage again.
EMBRACE THIS NEW CHAPTER
This is a good time to start spending your money on things that can improve your physical and emotional well-being as one chapter in life ends, another begins. Plan to pursue those interests that you have always desired to do as individuals as age is not a barrier to enjoying your lives, tick off your bucket list of places you would like to visit together while you both have the capacity to do so. “Take care of yourselves and each other,” says Jerry Springer.
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