Lagos-based sickle cell survivor and amputee fashion designer, Emiola-Dakobiri Damilola, tells TEMITOPE ADETUNJI how she was born without a tibia bone in one of her legs
How did you come about with a disability?
I’m Emiola-Dakobiri Damilola, 29 years of age. My dad is from Lagos State, while my mum is from Ogun State. I’m a fashion designer. My mum told me that I was born with this deformity. I’ve forgotten the name that my doctor calls it, but it’s a situation where the long bone in one of my legs is missing, and only the short bone is present in the leg, which is curved and facing backward. When I was born, they performed surgery to make a slight correction on the leg and make it curve a little bit to the front so as not to give me a weird look. Despite that, I have had to use a prosthesis right from when I started walking. That was what aided my walking. And I have been battling with this for 28 years.
What were the challenges you faced while growing up?
Well, being a physically challenged person and a warrior, there won’t be a time when challenges won’t come up, there will always be challenges. There were times that I couldn’t participate in some things for kids or teens my age back then. Like sports, that was a zero for me. I was always missing school due to being sick and constantly on admission in the hospital; it became a thing that the nurses at the hospital gave me the nickname, ‘Good Customer’ because out of 30 or 31 days in a month, I could be at the hospital for two to three weeks. I had to learn to be strong mentally. Even as an adult now; I still face some challenges, but I won’t back down or give up.
What other efforts did your parents make to seek medical attention for you?
They tried in every way. They provided me with education, they didn’t make me feel less of myself, they loved me, and they treated me like every other child. While I’m the first of my dad, my other siblings from my father’s side don’t communicate with me, except my only sibling from my mother’s side, which makes us two from my mother’s side.
How have you been able to cope with this challenge?
It hasn’t been easy. Sometimes there is stigmatisation, where people look at me weirdly, but I learned to cope and adapt.
How long have you been in the fashion designing business?
I started learning in 2019. The two places I did my apprenticeship were not conducive for me, but I also learned from YouTube videos and other tutors.
How do you run your business?
Right now, the patronage where I stay is very low, but I’m hoping to go online and build an online presence instead of waiting for people only in my environment.
How have you been able to sew despite having issues with your legs?
I use my right leg, and I sometimes feel pain because using one leg for a manual machine can be very stressful. There was a time I did that, and the pain was much for like three to four months. I battled osteomyelitis in the right leg for those months.
Was it your intention to become a fashion designer from the beginning?
Yes, it was my intention. When I was younger, I had a huge passion for fashion. I was always reading and looking out for fashion magazines, shows, and all. I was always creating styles in my head but I never knew how to put them into an outfit as I hadn’t learned how to sew then. But I do dress myself up to feel good. When I was out of school and I thought of what to do, since I loved fashion, I decided to pursue that. I styled my sister and my mum as well as the few customers I have got.
How have you been coping with battling with sickle cell anaemia?
It hasn’t been easy, but with God, my family, and good people around me, I have survived. I hardly get the crisis again, and whenever it happens, it is when the weather is really hot or I am very stressed out.
Has there been any time when you had to cope alone when the crisis occurred?
That was when I was in school. Going to lectures and places in the school where your parents couldn’t follow you everywhere made me see hell, but thank God that I’m here now. With my situation, there’s no how you won’t learn to cope; it’s just impossible not to.
Do you blame your parents for not checking their genotype before getting married?
My parents checked their genotypes. My dad was confirmed to be AA, and my mum AS, but hospitals make mistakes, and that’s the issue with my parents. I will advise people in relationships to always check their genotype every time just to be safe. Right now, my parents are separated because of this genotype issue. Don’t say because love overcomes all, you will cope with it. Please pity the kids you will bring to earth because of your stupidity. You won’t be the one to suffer for it (maybe just a little you will) but those kids will always suffer for it and blame you every time they are in pain.
How do you feel about your parents’ separation?
It broke me a lot. There are times when I need both my parents with me but it’s impossible. I understand the situation quite right but still it’s a very sad one. I just had to accept it.
For how long have they been separated?
More than 20 years. I was young then when my parents separated. Being from a broken home, it’s never easy.
Who is catering to your welfare?
My mum does it more, but both of them also do it.
What is your educational qualification, and what did you study?
I studied Science Laboratory Technology at The Polytechnic Ibadan. I gained admission in the year 2014, and I finished in 2017.
Did you face any discrimination while in school?
I did face it right from primary school till I got to the polytechnic. My uniform was different because of the prosthetics I used to walk back then. Everyone would stare at me, wondering why my uniform was ankle-length. At some point, they got to know what was wrong with me. Even in secondary school, I was bullied due to my condition. It was painful because I never thought I could be bullied as I’m not the troublesome type. I was very reserved and shy right from the outset. I do get stopped on the road with people asking me what’s wrong with me, or inviting me to their churches to come and get my miracles there.
Did you have supportive friends who influenced you positively?
I might have a few but I’m not one to always go crazy over people or anything. My sister is one good friend for me I guess. She’s a very brilliant girl. At her young age, she’s already a chartered accountant and has her master’s degree too, and very soon, she’s going for her PhD.
Has your condition hindered any of your childhood dreams?
Yes, at some point, I wanted to be an air hostess, but because of my condition, it’s impossible. When I think about it, I feel bad and just let things go, believing that God’s ways are not our ways.
How would you describe the condition of people living with disabilities in Nigeria?
There is a lot of stigmatisation in work environments and relationships; there are also financial constraints, and people will be like, ‘Must you depend on me? Can’t you work on yourself?’ I know that physically challenged people are not lazy people. Despite the deformities, we are always striving to be the best of us.
Has your situation ever hindered your relationships?
Yes, it has. I could be on a talking stage with someone, and after I tell them about my condition, that’s a big no for them. I got one who said to me, ‘How do you expect me to cope with that? I can’t cope’. Nevertheless, I believe I will be in the right relationship when the time is right.
What are your plans for the future?
I want to have a fashion house by God’s grace, possibly be a model as it has always been a passion to be one too, and have one or two side businesses. I also want to be in a much better place than I am currently.
What is your social life like?
I don’t have a social life; being an introvert has helped with that even though it can get very boring at times.
Do you think the government has done enough to make people living with disabilities have a good life in the country?
Not at all, the government hasn’t done anything in that area to make life very easy for physically challenged people. In terms of having a job, you can count how many physically challenged have white-collar jobs, not many. A lot of us depend on and fall back on our handwork by learning a skill, getting better, and using that to sustain ourselves. I hope the government will do much better in that aspect very soon and take the physically challenged into consideration too.
What measures do you believe the government can take to offer better assistance to people living with disabilities in Nigeria?
They can assist by giving out grants, and healthcare insurance should always be steady too. They can help with giving monthly stipends to ease the pressure of living for people with disabilities. A lot of physically challenged people are not living fine and healthy; they need all the assistance they can get. So I hope the government helps us look into that soon enough.
Many people struggle with negative thoughts and emotions during challenging times. Have you ever felt overwhelmed to the point of considering taking negative actions against yourself?
Well, I do agree with that; many people have negative thoughts now and then. Forget for a second the smiles, being strong, never giving up, and always appearing to be a pretty happy lady. I do get negative thoughts sometimes too, especially when I get very overwhelmed but thankfully, I always learn to shake off the thoughts whenever they come. I also try to think and understand that there’s a reason and purpose for everything; there’s a reason why I was born this way, why I have to struggle with being a sickle cell anaemia warrior, and also being physically challenged.
What was your experience like in the polytechnic?
Well, let’s just say it was pretty nice although it was very stressful too. I stayed in the school hostel, so it was just from lectures to church and to the market. I never went out of the school for sightseeing or to have fun. The only times I got out of the school premises were when I was either coming home for the holidays or going on an excursion.
Hostel mates were nice to me in terms of helping me do some things I couldn’t do myself, like assisting me to fetch water and helping me take it into the bathroom whenever I needed to bathe or do my laundry, etc. I had people who loved my personality back then in school. There was a time I fell very ill and our hostel coordinator had to stay with me for the night as I was placed on admission, and she brought me food. I will always appreciate her for that. As for my course mates, I had a few I talked with as I missed some of the lectures.
The experience was fun. But I had some tough challenges that made me question my existence, like the time when my limb (prosthesis) broke and got damaged while I was coming back from a lecture; that period was a very tough time for me because it was around the exam season; you can imagine how it was for me then; it was very crazy but I survived it.
What are the most important life lessons you’ve learnt?
I’ve learned to be very humble. Having perseverance will help you a lot in the course of navigating life. Never give up no matter what you are going through; you will surely overcome it, so don’t let it get to you at all. Stay focused and always show appreciation to everyone who has shown you nothing but kindness, care, and love. Don’t let your situation get to you. And most of all, never let go of God!
Can you give an example of an occasion when someone tried to take advantage of you?
Sometimes it could be that we are queuing for something and someone will try to take advantage by wanting to push me aside before realising my condition and then quickly saying, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry’. When I worked for two people (different years apart), they cheated me and never gave me my pay for the job done; they kept postponing it till I had to forgo the pay at the end. Well, I am too meek to fight, hence I let it go. There are a few other ones like that but it’s all good.
How can someone living with a disability live a life of purpose?
Firstly, do not look down on yourself that you can’t do anything, and love yourself a lot; if you can do this, nobody can say any demeaning words to you. Be happy with how you are; it’s not the end of the world. I always say, ‘As long as there’s life, there will always be hope to live and to do anything’. Don’t let anyone say anything negative to you. Whatever it is you feel that your mind, body, soul, and brain can do, go for it as long as it’s legal and good for you; don’t let anyone discourage you from whatever it is you set your mind to do.
What advice do you have for parents of people living with disabilities?
My advice to parents who have special needs children is that they should always be patient with them. Show them massive care and love. Be their first cheerleader in everything they do or intend to do. Don’t ever discourage them from doing anything they set their mind on doing, except if you as a parent see that it’s dangerous for them. Always give them your 101 per cent support, and don’t lament or complain about their condition in their presence or even to anyone.
